


love is dead (at least that's what you said)

by mairo



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, M/M, Slow Burn, Swearing, there's some one-sided junyu bbangnyu and hwallnyu, this is an emotional outlet haha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-09
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-06 00:23:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17335196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mairo/pseuds/mairo
Summary: A matchmaker does their job best when they loathe the idea of romance. At least, that’s what Changmin believed for the past six years—until Chanhee entered his life.





	love is dead (at least that's what you said)

**Author's Note:**

> i’m back again with changmin-centric nyukyu because that’s all I can write right now oof. i might as well just fill my works with nyukyu stuff to fill the tag haha
> 
> listening playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/bjcuj8l0cn2jf5r26ku2wmknh/playlist/1d1enhdp7CrmZhZTzEwswQ?si=ed92ShtTQQewlDJ9FPRJPg
> 
> Imad Royal & FRND – Love Is Dead  
> Jeremy Zucker – Keep My Head Afloat  
> FRND & blackbear – anxiety  
> Quinn XCII & Chelsea Cutler – Flare Guns  
> Lauv & Julia Michaels – There’s No Way
> 
> i made all the members be the same age for convenience purposes. btw, i couldn’t fit all twelve of them into major roles, but every member is definitely mentioned in one way or another!

[1 – love is dead]

 

High school is what many would consider a nightmare. But it’s also what few would consider a game.

Ji Changmin was an ordinary high schooler on the surface. He’s had average scores (let’s pretend math doesn’t exist), a large pool of acquaintances with a few select individuals he considers close friends (read: one individual), and is just as curious about romance as everyone else is his age.

You see, he was curious about romance, but not in the way you’d think. If you asked anyone around him what his love life was like, they would shrug in genuine cluelessness or simply say he had none.

So okay, maybe Changmin’s been single all his life. Anyone would think he’s probably a hopeless romantic who’s waiting for his one true love to fly down and sweep him off his feet accompanied by church bells.

Nope.

Changmin has a notebook. This notebook contains six years’ worth of information regarding every single person Changmin has been acquainted with, comparable to the format of dating site profiles.

No one else knows the existence of this notebook other than Changmin himself and his best friend Kim Younghoon, who’s been by his side since they could walk.

“You know, if the police finds this book, they’ll have you on the watch list,” Younghoon had commented. “It’s so weirdly detailed—like, serial killer-level detailed—and you call it the _human almanac_.”

“Hey, it sounds cool. It’s like I’m a detective,” Changmin protested.

Naturally, Younghoon was the first profile Changmin logged in his human almanac. With messy handwriting, dating back to when he was in the fifth grade, he listed down Younghoon’s data as if he was a character on Wikipedia.

 

Name: Kim Younghoon

Birthday: 8 Aug

Personality traits: ~~pure but~~ can be a snake, don’t trust him with your bread or he’ll eat it, easily moved esp by movies, lowkey an airhead

Type: artsy person, quiet until they get comfortable, for some reason they’re all good at origami

Ideal date: bread should be involved somewhere, either that or movies

Crushes: Joohyun (gr 2-3), Taehyung (gr 8)

Relationships: Rena (gr 7)

Additional notes: wet the bed until he was 12, will NOT let go of an embarrassing memory

 

The reason for this secrecy is to prevent rumors about Changmin being a serial killer to spread. In reality, Changmin uses his notebook to match people together—students from varying grade levels, relatives, the hot dog seller, pretty much anyone Changmin can know enough about.

Just like how his notebook is organized, Changmin’s hobby is very much like one of a dating application: bringing strangers or friends together in the hopes of sparking a romantic connection. For six years, he’s done so without fail.

This caused Changmin to earn the title of the school’s official matchmaker. Often mistaken for a member of the journalism club, he actively seeks out information about pretty much anyone when he could get it. It sounds ridiculous, but Changmin is good at his job. Almost too good.

He could guess the secret admirer of any student on the first try, put two and two together and figure out two people pining for each other, and know the right method to win anyone’s heart.

The reason why Changmin is so good at matchmaking is simple: he hates the idea of romance.

His view on romance is a transient, man-made concept that ends in nothing but suffering and regret. He thinks anyone obsessed with it is an idiot. Whipped, stupid teenagers in love that idealize something that doesn’t exist. Like a chess game, all Changmin needs to do is give a little push for the game of high school romances to bring him amusement.

\--

“No, she’s not allergic to flowers.”

Siyeon whined, pouting. “What if _I’m_ allergic to flowers?”

Changmin gaped at her. Sighing, he mustered the last of his patience and let out, “No you’re not, Siyeon…”

It was lunch, just two minutes before the clock struck one and students would have to go back to their classes. Changmin’s geography classmate, Lee Siyeon, had asked him whether or not confessing to her friend Kim Bora would prove fruitful. The matchmaker said it would, and she asked him how she should do it.

“That’s way too ballsy, I can’t—”

“You know, you came to me first,” Changmin supplied, an amused lilt in his tone. “Confessing to your friend of three years is ballsy enough as it is.”

The hallways were beginning to be swarmed with rushing students, drowning out whatever protest Siyeon could come up with.

Surrendering, Siyeon crossed her arms and exhaled. “Honestly, I don’t know how people do it.” Neither did Changmin.

Changmin shrugged. “You just go for it.”

As if on cue, the school bell rang. Siyeon waved Changmin goodbye and headed towards the stairs. It wasn’t unusual for such meetings to cause Changmin to be late to class, and that day was definitely one of them.

The period after lunch was math—coincidentally, their teacher was also late. As Changmin entered the classroom out of breath, he was greeted with more than a dozen pairs of eyes looking at him in a mix of amusement and surprise. Changmin furrowed his eyebrows and turned around.

“Please take your seat, Mr. Ji,” his teacher instructed, voice booming in his ears.

“Yes, Sir,” Changmin squeaked out, speed-walking towards a desk at the back of the class. Thankfully, he didn’t get a tardiness slip to fill in. Only a mild heart attack.

Changmin set his bag next to his feet and pulled out his notebook and pencil case. Next to him, Younghoon stretched his arms and asked, “Who was it this time?”

Avoiding the other’s limbs, Changmin answered, “Siyeon from geography. Flowers.”

Younghoon hummed in thought. “Was she going to give them to Minji?”

“Close enough. Bora,” Changmin corrected, a prideful smile on his face.

“Damn. Did you see it coming?”

“Of course I did. It’s mutual, too,” Changmin said, “Poor Bora’s liked her for almost a year. She’s too scared to say anything, though.”

Younghoon smiled. “Aw, I’m happy for them.”

Changmin nodded. “They might break up in eight months.”

“ _Why_ are you such a killjoy?” Younghoon complained.

“If most people have more exes than committed ‘lifelong partners’,” Changmin said, quoting in the air, “then there are more failed relationships than ones that ‘succeed’. It’s not a surprise that they don’t last long.”

Younghoon clicked his tongue. “You’re such an edgelord, I don’t know why most people are under the impression that you’re an innocent dumbass.”

Changmin held up a finger. “I’m just a dumbass, minus the innocent,” he quipped.

He was right, because Changmin was pulled aside by the math teacher right after class.

“Changmin, we need to talk about your scores,” his teacher started.

Oh boy. Changmin winced, saying, “I am aware, Sir.”

“What will your parents say if they see another N on a quiz? Or worse, finals?” the teacher continued.

Changmin looked down, knowing there’s no escape from this one. He was never the brightest in the subject, but he managed to survive and squeeze out at least passing scores for the entirety of elementary and middle school. When high school came hurling in like a truck, Changmin couldn’t keep up.

The teacher softened his gaze, sighing. “I know it’s not easy. And I also know that asking for my help after classes isn’t your style, I acknowledge that. I’m not the most approachable teacher here.”

Changmin looked up, nodding in agreement.

“Which is why I’m signing you up for the student tutor program.”

Any vision of hope Changmin had shattered before his eyes. “What,” he croaked.

The teacher gave him a sly smile and walked towards his desk, packing his things. “Your parents are already informed via email, which is forwarded to you as well. You can see who your tutor is in the attachment.”

“But Sir, I don’t need any help,” Changmin protested.

The teacher turned around while opening the door to give him an exasperated look. “Your report card says otherwise.”

The sound of the shutting door echoed Changmin’s frustration.

\--

One thing Changmin hated more than the idea of romance is being pitied. He’s managed to push through schoolwork and exams just fine, satisfied with barely passing numbers, so why now?

Changmin was in a café near his school with Younghoon when he voiced his concerns.

“At least you’re not getting tutored by Mr. Kang himself. Students are more forgiving,” Younghoon reasoned.

“No, it’s worse,” Changmin groaned, “It makes me feel even more stupid.”

Younghoon nodded in consideration before asking, “Who’s your tutor anyway?”

Changmin slid his phone across the table, an email from the school displayed on the screen. “I don’t know who he is. He’s definitely a new student.”

Younghoon squinted his eyes while reading the name. “Choi Chanhee,” he read out slowly. Sliding Changmin’s phone back to him, he admitted, “Yeah. No clue about this guy.”

Changmin faceplanted on the table. “The first session is tomorrow,” he deadpanned, voice muffled. “Can I just die…”

“You know, you’re making it out to be much worse than it actually is,” Younghoon assured.

Changmin stayed quiet, unmoving.

After a few seconds of silence, Younghoon snapped his fingers. “Hey, you can fill in your human almanac. It’s been a while since you added someone new, right?”

At this, Changmin raised his head. “Normally I’d be thrilled, but he’s gonna be teaching me math for the rest of the year,” he remarked before pressing his face on the cold wood again.

\--

Changmin was on his phone, scrolling through Instagram. He came across a picture of Siyeon kissing Bora’s cheek, with the caption “guess what.” It garnered 100 likes. Smiling in triumph, he double tapped the screen and commented, “it took you two a while.”

Some people can be so dense sometimes.

His smile faded when he heard his doorbell ring. Math time.

Changmin pocketed his phone and retreated to his room to grab his pencil case and notebook. He heard his mother answer the door and exclaim in happiness before letting his tutor in.

 _It’ll just be an hour, it’ll be done before you know it_ , he reassured himself.

As Changmin entered the living room, he saw Chanhee looking around as he sat on the sofa. He has incredibly light skin, Changmin was surprised he’s never seen him around before.

“Are you Chanhee?” Changmin asked dumbly.

Chanhee turned to him and raised his eyebrows. “Yeah, I am,” he confirmed as he stood up. “Where do you want to sit?”

“Here is fine,” Changmin said as he sat on the floor in front of the sofa. There was a table in front of him, where he placed his supplies. “Let’s do some math,” he uttered sullenly.

Chanhee pouted and sat next to him, placing a textbook and his own pencil case on the table. “You don’t look too thrilled.”

Changmin laughed emptily. “You think?”

Changmin almost felt guilty at how much he dreaded this moment. Chanhee was only doing his job, he didn’t deserve to haul Changmin’s ass into the world of numbers like this. Unfazed, Chanhee hummed in thought before saying, “So the school’s pretty big.”

Changmin looked at him in confusion. What a weird thing to say. “It’s… Okay, I guess? Most international schools are bigger, though.”

“Oh. Well, I’ve never really been in one, so I wouldn’t know.”

Changmin blinked, oddly curious. It wouldn’t hurt to know more about him, wouldn’t it? He hesitated before asking, “What was your old school like?”

Chanhee exhaled. “Really small. You know the middle school by the Sunshine supermarket?”

Changmin didn’t even know there was a school there—there was a small shack, though. “Wait, I thought that was a retirement home or something.”

Chanhee threw his head back laughing, saying, “A retirement home! No, that was my school.”

Not bad. Chanhee’s nice, and he holds a conversation well. Changmin found himself enjoying his company more than he thought he would, math textbook forgotten. Losing track of time, Changmin let his guard down and answered Chanhee’s questions with outstanding truth and sincerity, even he was surprised.

He laughs a lot. Changmin chalked it up to politeness. Everything they said flowed with ease, it almost scared Changmin how well they got along even though they’ve never talked before. Almost.

“So you’re the school’s matchmaker, huh? I didn’t know that was a thing,” Chanhee remarked, his back against the sofa. Changmin didn’t realize their shoulders were touching.

“Yeah, it’s fun, actually. You wouldn’t guess how many people come up to me in a week. It’s crazy,” Changmin said.

After a few seconds, Chanhee asked carefully, as if scared to, “What about you? Are you seeing anyone?”

Changmin turned to him, opened his mouth to answer, and then closed it again. Looking away, he focused his gaze on his pencil case. “No, I don’t see the point.”

“What do you mean?” Chanhee implored.

Changmin lost count of how many people asked him that same question. With a forced smile, he cleared his throat before giving an answer he was more than familiar with, “Because I think the whole romance thing is bullshit.”

Chanhee seemed to shrink. “Oh,” he let out.

The air started to get somber. The last thing Changmin wanted was for their conversation to die out and they’d have no choice but to start with math.

“I know I said it’s fun,” he interjected, breaking the silence, “but I’d rather see everyone else get together than be involved in it myself. If that makes sense.”

Chanhee nodded. “Yeah, I can understand. I think… But why do you hate it so much?”

“Well,” he started. He didn’t know how to answer. People have asked, but Changmin would usually change the subject or just shrug. For some reason, he didn’t want to give Chanhee anything less than a satisfactory answer.

And he had no idea why.

“When I was ten, my mom died.”

Chanhee fell silent, listening intently.

“… It took my dad less than a week to get a new girlfriend. He didn’t even cry, it was almost as if he didn’t care,” Changmin explained. His voice was shaking, a little bit.

“Then,” Chanhee asked, “that wasn’t your mother?” He was referring to the woman who answered the door.

Changmin shook his head. “That’s the girlfriend. I mean, technically she’s my mom… Legally. But no, she’s not my mom. I call her mom, though. But she’s not my mom.” He’s never talked about it with anyone, it was awkward hearing his own words.

Chanhee pulled his knees to his chest. “I see. I’m sorry about that.”

Immediately, Changmin regretted it. What was he doing? Chanhee’s a complete stranger. “Don’t be. You wouldn’t understand anyway,” he muttered, avoiding Chanhee’s gaze.

Chanhee chuckled before saying, “When I was fourteen, my parents had a divorce.”

“… Oh.”

“Nah, it was great that they did. They didn’t have the best relationship,” Chanhee dismissed, crossing his legs. “So I can kind of understand. A bit.”

“Then… You agree with me?” Changmin asked gingerly. Almost hopeful.

Chanhee smiled at him. “Not necessarily. Call me a sap, but I’ve had a few boyfriends in the past and I don’t regret any of them.”

Boyfriends. So he dates boys, okay. “Then why…?”

“My grandparents. They had the strongest relationship I know,” Chanhee answered.

“Had?”

“When my grandma died, my grandpa stayed by her side until he joined her a few hours later. He said he couldn’t imagine a life without her,” Chanhee explained, voice growing quiet.

Changmin turned to him, and Chanhee was already looking at him. They both looked away, Changmin pretending to cough. He felt exposed and fragile, as if he was a house of cards. A growing feeling spread in his chest. Try as he might, he couldn’t figure out what the hell it was.

They sat unmoving, not saying anything. Until Chanhee said, “I need to go, it’s getting late.”

Changmin eyed the clock on his wall and saw that it was 7 PM. They spent two hours talking.

 

Name: Choi Chanhee

Birthday: 26 Apr

Personality traits:

Type:

Ideal date:

Crushes:

Relationships: some boys

Additional notes: idk much about him yet but i’ll get there

 

\--

Changmin knew that it was going to be hard to miss Chanhee, and now that he knows of his existence, he keeps seeing him everywhere.

In the cafeteria, in the hallways, but never having the same classes. Sometimes they would run into each other and Chanhee would see him and give a small wave, which Changmin found weirdly endearing. Chanhee would already be looking away when Changmin returned the wave with a weaker one.

“What are you looking at?” Younghoon asked one day.

They were walking in the streets, after buying a new screwdriver for Younghoon’s dad. It wasn’t rare for Changmin to join in on errands like this, since Younghoon’s family practically adopted him long ago.

Coincidentally, the store clerk who scanned their items (the screwdriver along with a pocket knife Changmin thought was pretty cool) was none other than Choi Chanhee. Changmin had avoided his eyes, pretending not to look at him as Chanhee asked Younghoon if he wanted to pay with cash or card.

When they exited the shop, Changmin kept looking back.

“That was Chanhee,” Changmin answered.

“You mean your math tutor?” Younghoon asked, an amused expression on his face.

Changmin nodded. “Yeah. The same one.”

“Huh. He’s pretty,” Younghoon commented.

Changmin narrowed his eyes, giving it a thought. Before he could respond, Younghoon asked him, “Anyway, how did that session go? Last Wednesday?”

“It was okay. We didn’t start with lessons yet, though,” Changmin confessed.

“What? You spent an hour in your house just talking?” Younghoon asked.

Changmin hung his head. “ _Two_ hours just talking.”

Younghoon didn’t press further. “Interesting. We should hurry back, I think my dad’s worried we couldn’t get him the screwdriver.”

Slowly, Changmin got used to running into Chanhee pretty much every day at school. Wednesdays were when Chanhee came over and gave Changmin drills, and were sometimes spent talking for a little too long.

Changmin learned that he really did enjoy Chanhee’s presence. He was pleasant to be around. He didn’t know how he felt about Chanhee—he felt closer to him than he does with most of his acquaintances, but it wasn’t anything like how he felt about Younghoon. Whatever it was, Changmin was comfortable with it.

One day, Changmin’s friend Lee Juyeon came up to him during lunch.

“Hey, do you know Chanhee? Choi Chanhee?” Juyeon asked him.

Cautious, Changmin nodded. “Yeah, I know him. Why?”

Juyeon seemed to hesitate, almost shy, before asking, “Do you think I have a chance with him?”

Oh.

He thought about it, tried picturing Chanhee and Juyeon together. Chanhee laughing, holding Juyeon’s hand as they walked. Something ached in Changmin’s chest. He decided to shrug it off.

“Sure, I don’t see why not,” Changmin answered briefly.

Juyeon tilted his head. “I thought you liked him.”

Changmin could laugh, a million years would pass before he liked anyone. And Chanhee out of all people. “What? No, I don’t. What makes you say that?”

“I don’t know. It just seems like it,” Juyeon shrugged.

Changmin’s mouth hung open, an incredulous look on his face. “Juyeon—just go get him. I don’t care.”

Juyeon sighed in relief. “Thank God. How should I do it, though?”

Okay, Changmin was beat on that one. In his three weeks of knowing Chanhee, he still couldn’t fully grasp his character. Chanhee’s log on the human almanac still had blanks in them, too.

“I don’t know. A standard confession should be fine. Maybe meet him after school in the gym?” Changmin suggested.

“Alright. Thanks, man,” Juyeon said before turning around and walking away.

 

Name: Lee Juyeon

Birthday: 15 Jan

Personality traits: sporty, an airhead, deceptively innocent and very gullible, he’s nice tho

Type: he likes babyfaced boys but mature-looking girls, slytherins mostly lol

Ideal date: pretty flexible

Crushes: Jennie (gr 7), Hyunjoon (gr 9), Chanhee (gr 10)

Relationships: Mina (gr 8), Hyunjoon (gr 9)

Additional notes:

 

\--

The next day, Juyeon texted Changmin that he was going to confess to Chanhee after school.

 _That’s fast_ , Changmin thought. He fired off a “good luck” and made his way to class.

The day seemed to go by slowly, but dismissal time eventually came. While taking his things from his locker, he saw Juyeon in the corner of his eye pull Chanhee aside and talk to him. Chanhee nodded, replying with an “okay, sure,” from what Changmin could guess.

Changmin waited for Chanhee to disappear behind a corner before following him to the gym.

When Changmin entered the gym, Chanhee was in front of Juyeon, in the middle of the court, a surprised look on his face.

“I know I’ve only known you for two weeks, but I like you,” Juyeon announced.

 _I’ve known him for three_ , Changmin thought.

Changmin internally slapped himself. What the hell, how is that relevant?

“… I was wondering if you’d want to be my boyfriend?” Juyeon asked, looking Chanhee straight in the eyes. Changmin was impressed at how bold he was.

Chanhee thought for a moment, until finally: “I’m sorry, Juyeon, but… I don’t feel the same.”

What? Changmin’s eyes widened. This has never happened before.

Juyeon smiled, looking down. Changmin felt sorry for him. “That’s okay, I understand.”

Chanhee bowed his head, looking away. He looked guilty.

“May I ask why?” Juyeon enquired slowly.

Chanhee clasped his hands behind his back. “I… Already have feelings for someone else.”

Bang.

Changmin felt betrayed. In six years, he’s never been wrong. Chanhee likes someone? Who? When? Why didn’t he see this coming?

Emotions a tangled mess, Changmin exited the gym and went straight home.

\--

The next Wednesday, Changmin waited for Chanhee in his living room, pencil case and notebook ready on the table.

When the doorbell rang, Changmin sprang up and answered it himself.

“Whoa. Hi there,” Chanhee greeted when he saw Changmin in front of him.

“You like someone. Who is it?”

Chanhee raised his eyebrows in confusion. Stepping back in surprise, he asked in a low voice, “How did you know?”

 _Screw it_ , Changmin thought. “I saw Juyeon confess to you. Who is it?”

Chanhee leaned on the doorframe. “Why would you want to know?” he asked with a laugh.

Getting irritated, Changmin took a step forward and admitted, “Because I’ve never been wrong. I didn’t know you had feelings for anyone.”

Chanhee leaned forward, his tone more serious. “Is it not obvious?”

Too close.

Changmin moved backwards. “No, if it was then I wouldn’t be asking.”

Chanhee smiled, then finally let himself in. “Well, I guess that’s my secret, then.”

The ache Changmin felt from before came back. Closing the door, Changmin came to the conclusion that it was a bad omen. He turned around and looked at Chanhee setting his things on the table.

_I have a bad feeling about this guy._

 

Name: Choi Chanhee

Birthday: 26 Apr

Personality traits: nice to talk to, annoying??

Type:

Ideal date:

Crushes: ????!!?!?!??! wtf (gr 10)

Relationships: some boys

Additional notes: idk much about him yet but i’ll get there

 

\--

 

[2 – keep my head afloat]

 

Changmin would think that his role as a matchmaker of all things would lead to the least amount of cliché high school violence in his day-to-day, but sometimes luck isn’t in his favor.

The day started out simple: he woke up, managed to stay up during lectures, had a sandwich for lunch, then walked home. Until he got cornered by a buff-looking guy wearing a neighboring school’s uniform who looked like he should already be in college.

“Are you Ji Changmin?” the guy asked.

Scared shitless, eyes blown wide, Changmin nodded.

“You set Sooyoung up with that other guy?” the guy continued, getting closer. He was angry.

Long story short, Changmin ended up getting a punch to the cheek. It hurt, but not as much as it hurt knowing that he didn’t do his research correctly. He was wrong, again.

Sooyoung, one of his classmates in homeroom, was a carefree girl. She liked going to the arcade and was ambitious at collecting tickets to win prizes ranging from teddybears to rice cookers. Changmin’s still unsure why arcades provided those. It just so happens that she was paired up with another classmate, Kwonbin, for a biology project.

No one could miss the starstruck eyes Kwonbin had for Sooyoung, and Changmin could see that Sooyoung was purposely leading him on. Changmin came up to Kwonbin after classes and told him he had a chance. Changmin told him, “Win her a stuffed animal and confess.”

A little too enthusiastic, Changmin texted Sooyoung that Kwonbin was waiting for her in the arcade. “Good luck, you two.”

It worked, but Changmin was unaware that he had indirectly contributed to a case of cheating. Of course, the famed school matchmaker was immediately caught. Hence a punch to the face by a muscular, jealous boyfriend.

Fortunately, Changmin was agile enough to sprint away before the boy could do anything else. Changmin was grateful for the swift legs he had thanks to the rigorous choreographies he had to do each week.

Not looking where he was going, Changmin focused on losing the boy, whose footsteps he could hear getting closer. Taking a few turns too many, Changmin ended up in a small alley he had never seen before.

“Oh, how great,” he groaned, knowing he was lost.

He heard footsteps behind him and felt his stomach drop. _Please don’t be him, please don’t be him_ …

Changmin slowly turned around and breathed a sigh of relief. It was Chanhee.

“Don’t creep me out like that,” Changmin said, hands on his knees.

Chanhee gave him a questioning look. “What are you doing here?”

“Um,” Changmin answered, “it’s a long story.”

Chanhee looked at him in suspicion. “Uh-huh… Wait, did you get into a fight?” he asked, alarmed.

Changmin touched his cheek and hissed, recoiling from the pain. “Not exactly.”

Chanhee rolled his eyes before he came closer to him and took his hand, dragging him in tow. Flustered, Changmin swatted his arm away.

“What are you doing?” Changmin asked.

Chanhee sighed and put his hands on his hips. “My house is just around the corner. Come on, I’ll patch you up,” he offered, holding out his hand.

Changmin hesitated before taking it.

\--

Changmin ended up sitting on Chanhee’s bed, noting how neat his room was. He didn’t know what he expected, but he found it almost adorable how everything was arranged. He had a few plants on the windowsill and one on his desk.

“Hold still,” Chanhee said, pressing a wet towel to Changmin’s cheek.

“Ouch,” Changmin let out. “That hurts.”

Wincing, Chanhee patted his shoulder. “Sorry.”

They didn’t say anything as Chanhee pressed the towel again, softer this time. Changmin focused his gaze on a cactus by the window.

“Sooyoung’s boyfriend sucker punched me in the face,” Changmin explained briefly.

Chanhee paused in his movements. “Kim Sooyoung? Boyfriend? I thought she’s with Kwonbin now.”

“Yeah, I didn’t know she already had another one,” Changmin muttered.

Chanhee hummed in understanding and placed the towel on his bed next to Changmin, then stood up to look for a bandaid. “That’s why he punched you?” Chanhee asked.

Changmin turned to Chanhee, smiling in shame. “Yeah.”

Chanhee kneeled back down in front of Changmin, opening the bandaid. “Do you want my honest take on it?”

Changmin held his gaze, as if challenging him. “Why would I say no?”

“I’m not gonna pretend you’re the angel here,” Chanhee said, placing the bandaid on Changmin’s cheek, pressing it gently. “It wouldn’t happen if it weren’t for you.”

Oh, he’s going that route. Changmin gave him a blank stare.

Chanhee smiled at the response. “But then again, Sooyoung cheated on her own will. She’s the least innocent here, but you pulled the strings, that’s all.”

Chanhee stood up and took a seat next to Changmin.

“Why are you telling me this while taking care of me?” Changmin asked in an exasperated tone. He couldn’t read Chanhee’s intentions.

Chanhee looked down at his feet before answering, “Because you need to know that you’re still human.”

Changmin raised an eyebrow in question. Chanhee looked back at him and put his hand on Changmin’s head.

“We all make mistakes, and that’s okay,” Chanhee concluded, setting his arm back down.

Changmin didn’t understand, but refused to ask further. _What a weird guy_ , Changmin thought.

After Changmin had a few potato chips Chanhee offered from his pantry, Chanhee insisted on walking Changmin home.

“You know, you don’t have to do this,” Changmin assured.

“I go to your house every week. What’s the difference?” Chanhee replied nonchalantly.

“Yeah, but this time you’re not being paid.”

Chanhee stopped in his tracks, giving Changmin an incredulous look. “Friends don’t need to pay each other to hang out,” Chanhee pointed out.

Changmin returned his look with one of confusion.

 

Name: Choi Chanhee

Birthday: 26 Apr

Personality traits: nice to talk to, annoying??, kind, weird idk

Type:

Ideal date:

Crushes: ????!!?!?!??! wtf (gr 10)

Relationships: some boys

Additional notes: ~~idk much about him yet but i’ll get there~~ , i’m pretty sure he has ulterior motives

 

\--

The month after was hectic, with preparations for semester exams plaguing students of all grade levels. Changmin was upset that he had to stop going to dance practice for a few weeks, but he would rather never dance again than fail physics.

That day, Changmin dragged Younghoon to a nearby convenience store to grab ice cream and cool off. They sat on the chairs outside, hoping the wind will bring them good luck on looming tests.

They were quiet after arguing whether or not lizards could take over the world (which ended with them agreeing to disagree) when out of the blue, Younghoon asked, “Do you like Chanhee?”

Changmin almost spit out his vanilla ice cream.

Swallowing, he looked at his friend in disbelief. “Of course not, what the hell?” First it was Juyeon, and now Younghoon—the person who knows more than anyone about his opinion on couples.

Younghoon let out a snort at his reaction and shrugged. “I don’t know. You act differently around him than you do with everyone else.”

Changmin gritted his teeth, facing the street in front of them. “That’s because he pisses me off.”

Amused, Younghoon laughed and asked, “What did he do?”

Changmin told him about Juyeon’s confession, followed by Chanhee’s crush who Changmin can’t for the life of him figure out, and that no matter how much he tries, he just can’t read his mind. After three months of pondering, Changmin decided that Chanhee was not a force to be reckoned with.

“My gut tells me that he isn’t good news,” Changmin finished, slurping his already melted ice cream.

Younghoon had his brows furrowed, mouth agape. “Okay… And how does your gut tell you that?”

Huh. He’s never mentioned it out loud, since Changmin never thought to describe it in words. What does he say, that if Chanhee was a location on a map, Changmin would never cross its path? If Chanhee was the last glass of water on earth, Changmin would sooner die of thirst?

Weird and overdramatized analogies. Never mind. Changmin settled with, “My stomach hurts every time I see him and every time I talk to him. I hate it.”

“Okay there, no need to be so bitter about it,” Younghoon said, laughing.

“I am not bitter,” Changmin denied bitterly.

\--

Okay, maybe Chanhee wasn’t all that bad sometimes.

The night before Changmin’s first exam, he couldn’t sleep. Earlier that day, he was determined to clock out at 9 PM, something nearly unattainable for high schoolers. Once he got the opportunity, however, his eyes refused to stay shut.

Grunting in frustration, Changmin snatched his phone from his tabletop and clicked the top number. _He better pick up_.

Beep, beep, beep, click.

“Hello?”

Wait a minute. “This isn’t Younghoon.”

Chanhee laughed at the other end. “Wow. I’m heartbroken, Changmin.”

Changmin returned the laugh with a nervous one. The contact on top of the list would be the number he frequently contacted lately, which means…

He refused to think about it.

“Sorry. I just can’t sleep and accidentally called you.”

Chanhee was quiet for a few seconds. “Oh. Maybe you can go out and look at the stars?”

Changmin stifled a laugh. “We live in a city, Chanhee,” he stated blankly.

Changmin could hear his smile. “Yeah, I know. Just messing with you.”

“The first exam day’s tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah. I’d like to think I’m prepared but I don’t wanna jinx myself.”

“Ew, a smartass. What’s your subject tomorrow anyway?”

“Changmin, all of us have math.”

“Right. Okay, double ew.”

“You sound like a kid.”

“And what about it?”

Chanhee chuckled. “I didn’t say there was anything wrong with that.”

Maybe Chanhee wasn’t that bad after all, because Changmin decided that he didn’t mind talking to him late at night, words slurred due to drowsiness and a stupid smile on his face. Changmin was glad Chanhee couldn’t see it.

“No, you’re _gravely_ mistaken. Don’t you remember when Rin and Haru slept on the same bed on season 2?”

“Chanhee, you don’t know whipped when you see it. Haruka’s pupils literally get bigger when he looks at Makoto.”

“Coming from… The anti-romance guy,” Chanhee clapped back weakly, a yawn interrupting his rebuttal.

Changmin pulled his phone away from his ear to check the time on his lockscreen. 2 AM.

As fun as their discourse about Free! was, they still had exams tomorrow.

“I’m so sorry, oh my God…” Changmin apologized.

“Hm? What is it?” Chanhee asked. Changmin could hear the weariness in his voice.

“It’s two o’clock… I’m so so so sorry for keeping you up, I feel so bad,” Changmin uttered frantically, sitting up.

Chanhee chuckled. “It’s okay, don’t mention it. I like talking to you.”

At this, Changmin froze. He didn’t know how to respond.

“Thanks for accidentally calling me. See you tomorrow,” Chanhee said, hanging up. The line went dead.

Still holding his phone to his ear, Changmin mumbled, “… You mean ‘see you today’.”

 

Name: Choi Chanhee

Birthday: 26 Apr

Personality traits: nice to talk to, ~~annoying??~~ , kind, weird idk

Type:

Ideal date:

Crushes: ????!!?!?!??! wtf (gr 10)

Relationships: some boys

Additional notes: ~~idk much about him yet but i’ll get there~~ , ~~i’m pretty sure he has ulterior motives~~ , he’s just weird

 

\--

“Changmin! Sangyeon! You’re coming today, right?”

Immediately, the boy was hushed by the librarian. “Joo Haknyeon, that’s a warning.”

Haknyeon grimaced and raised his hands in surrender. “Sorry!” he whisper-shouted. Flashing a smile to students glaring at him, he inched towards the table his two friends were sitting in.

Changmin was in the middle of a last-minute geography crash course with Lee Sangyeon, his classmate. The two gave Haknyeon similar tired looks for interrupting their flow. Their exam was in ten minutes, and they weren’t even halfway through the coverage. Their teacher had always been known to cram way too many units in one test.

“Hey, you two are going, right? After school?” Haknyeon asked again, quieter this time.

Sangyeon sighed. “Yep. I can’t wait ‘till I’m free,” he remarked longingly.

“Who else is coming, again?” Changmin asked. He forgot all about the party his friend and fellow dance squad member Heo Hyunjoon was holding. He’d been too focused on stuffing information in his mind only to regurgitate them in standardized tests.

Haknyeon hung his head in thought, then said, “Pretty much everyone in our grade.”

“Like who?” Sangyeon implored.

“Definitely me, Sunwoo, Jaehyun… Oh yeah, Chanhee’s coming, too,” Haknyeon supplied.

“Chanhee?” Changmin asked, interest piqued. He didn’t think Chanhee was a party person.

Haknyeon raised his eyebrows at his response. “Yeah. He’s Hyunjoon’s friend since diapers, so he’s definitely getting dragged into it.”

Changmin didn’t know that.

“Ooh, why didn’t you say that from the beginning, Haknyeon?” Sangyeon asked with a suggestive tone.

“What do you mean?” Changmin enquired, dubious.

Wiggling his eyebrows, Sangyeon said, “If your crush is going, you’re going, right?”

Oh no. No, Changmin was not having it. Not today, not ever.

Recognition flashed across Haknyeon’s face. He gasped, exclaiming, “You like Chanhee?”

God, this kid is loud. _For the last time_ … “No,” Changmin deadpanned. “And can you please not talk so loud? This is a library,” Changmin urged, his voice low but nothing short of urgent.

“Okay! So both of you are going, that’s great. Good luck on your geo exam!” Haknyeon waved goodbye, not caring to speak quieter.

“Joo Haknyeon, out!” the librarian commanded.

\--

Ah, the end of exams. Such bliss, it feels like a burden off your shoulders. Changmin plopped on his bed face-down, immediately passing out.

He didn’t know how much time passed until he felt someone pulling on his arm.

“Get up, you lazyhead. We got that big batch party, remember?”

Changmin groaned. “Just go without me, Younghoon. I feel like a slug.”

“Literally everyone’s gonna be there. It’ll be weird _not_ to go,” Younghoon argued, taking both of Changmin’s arms and successfully dragging him from the bed. He didn’t think it through though, because Changmin ended up flat on the floor.

After a few seconds of consideration, Changmin said, “I’ll catch up. Don’t wait for me.”

Younghoon huffed. “I know that’s Changmin talk for ‘I’m not going’. I’ve known you for a decade.”

Still refusing to budge, Changmin sighed. “I’m really tired. I just need to sleep for a while, I promise I’ll catch up.”

Younghoon kneeled down and asked, voice low, “Hey, are you okay? You’ve been out of it lately.”

“Just go. I’ll be right there.”

Younghoon caressed Changmin’s hair and nodded, standing up. Without a word, he walked out of the room and closed the door.

\--

Changmin took his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. 7 PM.

Sitting up, he opened Instagram and saw story updates from the people in his grade. He raised his eyebrows at the abundance of alcohol and making out.

“Gee, looks like fun,” he remarked emptily.

Suddenly, Chanhee’s name flashed on his screen. After letting his phone ring for a while, he answered the call.

“Hey, where are you?” Chanhee asked.

“… At home.”

“Good choice. Truth be told, it’s not the best party I’ve been to.”

Changmin cracked a smile. “You sure? It looks like plenty of fun.”

“Only if you’re piss-drunk. Honestly, the food here sucks.”

“Is that how you speak of your childhood friend? He might disown you,” Changmin quipped, standing up and walking towards his wardrobe.

“Oh, he won’t mind. He’s too in love with me to throw me away,” Chanhee laughed.

Changmin pulled out a hoodie from a hanger. “Is he?” he asked, tone more serious.

Chanhee snorted. “As if. Hyunjoon’s like my brother. Anyway, so are you coming or not?”

“Yep. I’ll be there in ten.”

\--

When Changmin opened the front door, he was immediately pulled by Haknyeon into a game of spin the bottle.

“Haknyeon, I’m not in the mood for this,” Changmin protested.

“Then why did you come all the way here? Come on, it’ll be fun,” Haknyeon assured.

He took one look at the individuals in the circle, spotted Chanhee waving to him, and immediately heard sirens in his head. Yeah, no.

Changmin ended up dragging a chair and sitting behind the spot between Jaehyun and Hyunjoon. “Pretend I’m not here,” he announced, folding his legs and pulling up his phone.

Younghoon stuck out a tongue at him before spinning the first bottle.

The circle was quiet as the glass spun, slowing down and finally stopping to face Moon Kevin, a Canadian transfer student.

Changmin’s lips perked up. _Finally something interesting_ , he mused.

The circle cheered and clapped as Kevin shrunk. Changmin almost felt bad for him. Almost.

Younghoon beamed and crawled towards Kevin, whose eyes widened.

“Hey, I’m only doing this if you’re okay with it,” Younghoon assured, voice gentle.

Kevin looked at him in determination and nodded. Smiling, Younghoon gave him a short peck on the lips. Kevin’s face immediately went red. Changmin watched with glee as Kevin covered his head with his hoodie. _Way to go, Kevin._

His joy was short-lived, however, when he realized that Chanhee was sitting next to Younghoon. Which meant that he was next.

“Alright, here goes nothing,” Chanhee declared, spinning the bottle.

As if the world was mocking him, the bottle, of course, landed on Changmin.

Haknyeon whooped, jumping up and punching a fist in the air. Younghoon’s mouth was hanging open, eyes mischievous. Hyunjoon sipped from his drink, a sly smile on his face. Wow, Changmin decided that he hated every single one of them.

If there was a hole nearby, Changmin would gladly climb in it and die.

Chanhee stood up and put his hands in his pockets, walking up to Changmin with an unreadable expression.

Changmin stopped breathing. Chanhee bent down and smiled at him.

Too close.

As if his body was moving itself, Changmin felt himself inching forward. Just a little more and…

Chanhee pulled away, standing back up. He laughed, facing the circle. “I’m not doing that,” Chanhee admitted.

Haknyeon whined, “Aw, why not!”

Chanhee sat back down and looked right at Changmin. “I wasn’t going to steal his first kiss.”

The rest of the circle groaned and complained, calling Chanhee a killjoy. The only thing Changmin could hear was the frantic beating of his own heart.

 

Name: Choi Chanhee

Birthday: 26 Apr

Personality traits: nice to talk to, ~~annoying??~~ , kind, weird idk, SCARY

Type:

Ideal date:

Crushes: ????!!?!?!??! wtf (gr 10)

Relationships: some boys

Additional notes: ~~idk much about him yet but i’ll get there~~ , ~~i’m pretty sure he has ulterior motives~~ , he’s just weird, this guy is BAD NEWS

 

\--

 

[3 – anxiety]

 

Changmin spent the year end holiday holed up in his room, catching up on movies, anime, and tv shows he wasn’t able to touch during his first semester as a high schooler. Occasionally, his mom offered him food, which Changmin gladly accepted when he forgot to tend to the growling of his stomach.

When he did go outside, however, it was to attend dance practice. It didn’t help that Changmin was not on good terms with the winter, which caused him to catch a cold.

“You look like a zombie,” Hyunjoon remarked one day, as they were sitting on the floor during a break.

Changmin looked at him and narrowed his eyes. “Coming from Snow White.”

Hyunjoon wasn’t wrong. The only thing that gave any indication of Changmin being remotely alive was how his dancing hadn’t lost its flare.

Not having anything to do for a few weeks was both a breath of fresh air and a whiff of smoke. Changmin was getting accustomed to the rhythm of rushed mornings and crammed assignments that feeling bored by himself was a foreign feeling.

He thought he was the only one experiencing this, until he got a call from Chanhee out of the blue. Changmin was in his room, having a staring contest with a blinking lightbulb in the ceiling when he answered it.

“Hey, what’s up?” Changmin greeted.

“Nothing,” Chanhee answered on the other end. “Literally.”

“Bored?”

“Yeah. And for the first time, I hate it.”

“I mean, we only have a week until we go back to school. Might as well enjoy it, right?”

“What is there to enjoy when I just feel so damn useless? I wasn’t doing my best during school and now that I’m not doing anything, the guilt’s just coming back to eat me.”

Changmin frowned, laying on his bed. “What do you mean, I thought you’re doing fine? Everyone thinks you’re a genius.”

“Yeah, right,” Chanhee huffed. “I’ve never told anyone, but I don’t remember a single test I walked out of where I can say I did well.”

 _Then I’m not just anyone_ , Changmin thought. He didn’t know how to feel about that. “And yet you’re still tutoring me.”

Chanhee was silent for a while, scared to say his next words. “It’s because I need the cash. Money’s a bit tight when I don’t have a dad to support me.”

“Oh.” This took an unexpected turn. “But the fact that the school recruited you for the tutoring program means that you’re smart. And you really are.”

“No, I’m not. Jacob gets better scores than me in a longshot. He doesn’t even try.”

“Bae Jacob’s just a different breed, Chanhee. Look, you don’t get perfect scores all the time, so what? That doesn’t change the fact that you’re still doing well.”

Chanhee didn’t say anything. He was sniffling.

 _Oh shit._ Changmin had never witnessed this side of Chanhee before. Chanhee, who knew how to keep his cool, whose mind Changmin couldn’t read. Chanhee, who always put others before him, who knows how to cheer him up and make him feel at ease.

In a panic, Changmin said, “Please don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

Chanhee laughed. It sounded a bit forced. “No, it’s my fault. Sorry, I don’t know why I decided to call you.”

Changmin had the overwhelming urge to hug him. He held his pillow close to him instead, squeezing it as tight as he can. “You know, I envy you.”

“Why would you envy _me_?”

“Because you always know what to say,” Changmin stated truthfully. “You’re a good friend and you don’t get mad when I don’t get math concepts right away. I’d rather you teach me than Mr. Kang any day.”

At this, Chanhee laughed. A genuine one. Changmin smiled in relief. “Is that so?” Chanhee asked.

“Of course. You’re easier to bribe, so I won’t have as many late marks on my report card.”

“You piece of shit.”

\--

As the second semester rolled around, the days just become more and more hectic.

Changmin survived with the help of memes and fatalistic humor, along with the study sessions he had with Younghoon almost every day. Of course, the term “study sessions” in this context was used more liberally—most of the time, the two would use this opportunity to order takeout and open their laptops for YouTube and online games. An obligatory stress-reliever.

These after-school hangouts in either one of their houses solidified their reputation of being so inseparable that they would even be synchronized in their actions sometimes. Such as the one time they both abruptly screamed after an entire hour of focused silence.

“WHAT HAPPENED,” Younghoon demanded, turning to Changmin who fell to the floor in anguish.

“MICROSOFT WORD CRASHED ON ME. I HAD SIX HUNDRED WORDS,” Changmin whined, punching the floor.

“Oh, damn. I died in Wedding Dash,” Younghoon said, a guilty smile on his face.

Changmin shot him an exasperated look. “What the hell, I thought you were doing work.”

“This _is_ work, Changmin. A man’s gotta make a living somehow,” Younghoon argued.

Changmin groaned and dragged himself back onto Younghoon’s bed where his laptop, showing a dreadfully messy desktop, was sitting.

“This time, use Google Docs,” Younghoon advised.

“Gee, thanks,” Changmin replied sarcastically. “I’m just glad I still have the data…”

Younghoon looked over to where his friend opened a blank document. “You’re still doing that physics thing?”

Changmin sighed, staring at the blinking text cursor in annoyance. “Yep,” he said, popping the “p”. “These numbers just don’t make sense.”

“Yuck, so many numbers. I’m glad I took biology,” Younghoon observed.

Changmin closed his laptop and set it aside. “You know what, I can’t do this. Sound frequencies can go measure themselves.”

Younghoon hummed in thought before asking, “Maybe you can ask Chanhee?”

Changmin turned to him, raising an eyebrow. “Why would I ask him?”

“I don’t know, he’s smart, right? From what I’ve heard,” Younghoon shrugged.

Changmin considered it, before shaking his head. “He doesn’t even take physics.”

Younghoon pulled up his phone and continued his game, starting a new level. “Meh, worth a shot.”

It took Changmin three days of fruitlessly making sense of and manipulating his data until he decided to ask Chanhee for help, tail between his legs.

He stared at his screen, displaying Chanhee’s contact on the “most frequently contacted” section. Changmin didn’t know when it started, but him and Chanhee talked on the phone more often than he would like to admit. At nights when too much went on in his mind, or when he waited for the bus ride back from dance practice, Changmin’s fingers would reach for his phone and look for Chanhee’s name.

Changmin tried not to let it bother him too much.

“Heyo,” Chanhee greeted after answering on the first ring.

“Hi,” Changmin said, sitting on his bed. “I need help.”

“Sure, what is it?”

Changmin gulped before asking, “I know you probably don’t know anything about sound waves but I need your help on my lab report.”

“Oh… No, I’ll try to help. I know a bit about physics,” Chanhee assured.

Changmin sighed in relief, hopeful. “Really? Thank you so much.”

“But I can’t help you if I can’t see the data.”

Right. Changmin looked towards his window, the sky showing a slight tinge of orange. “I’m coming over.”

“Alright. Bring your notebook with you so I can at least get an idea of what you’re learning.”

Changmin laughed nervously as he packed his laptop and put on a jacket. “Yeah, I don’t take notes.”

“You don’t—Changmin, are you kidding me,” Chanhee chided, an exasperated tone in his voice.

Changmin simply chuckled and hung up, pocketing his phone and heading out.

\--

When Changmin knocked on Chanhee’s front door, he didn’t expect Hyunjoon to answer it.

“Huh,” Changmin muttered.

“Huh. Changmin. What are you doing here?” Hyunjoon greeted, an amused expression on his face.

“Chanhee’s gonna help me with my lab report,” Changmin explained. “And you?”

Hyunjoon let Changmin in. “I was just visiting. Nothing wrong with that, right?”

Changmin turned around to face him. “No, nothing at all.”

“I was about to ask if you were okay with a guest being here,” Chanhee said from behind Changmin.

Changmin whirled around in surprise. “I don’t mind. I mean, it’s your house, and we’re all friends, so it’s okay.”

“No need to be so tense, Changmin,” Hyunjoon commented, leaning on the wall.

Changmin shot him a sour look. “I’m just here to get some help and I’ll be on my way.”

Chanhee took Changmin’s wrist and dragged him into his room. “Why are you in such a rush? It’s not due any time soon, is it?”

“It’s due tomorrow,” Changmin deadpanned.

Chanhee let go of his wrist and blinked at him. “Oh. Okay.”

Changmin placed his laptop on Chanhee’s bed and opened it, typing his password with lightning speed. “So yes, I’m in a _little_ bit of a rush.”

Chanhee sat on his bed and placed Changmin’s laptop on his lap. “I’ll read this real quick and get back to you. Shoo, go socialize with Hyunjoon.”

Changmin surrendered his lab report into Chanhee’s hands and brought himself to the kitchen, where Hyunjoon was eating from a bag of potato chips.

“Want some?” Hyunjoon offered, holding out a piece.

Changmin took it gratefully. “Thanks.”

“I didn’t know you two were this close,” Hyunjoon said.

Changmin shrugged, sitting down on a chair next to Hyunjoon. “Me neither.”

Hyunjoon chuckled. “You know you asked a chemistry student for help on your physics report, right? Why didn’t you pester your fellow physics buddies?”

Changmin stayed silent, not knowing how to respond. He did have a point.

Hyunjoon waved his arms in dismissal. “Just kidding, of course you’d ask him. Chanhee’s smart all around.”

“Uh-huh,” Changmin said. “By the way, are we doing any more extra practices for Boba Fest?”

“No, I don’t think so. Hyunjin did say he wanted to catch up on his Personal Project or something. IB kid stuff,” Hyunjoon explained.

 

Name: Heo Hyunjoon

Birthday: 9 Mar

Personality traits: nosy bitch, fun to talk to tho

Type: soft boys that lift lmao

Ideal date: a walk in the park bc he’s that bitch

Crushes: Jimin (gr 7), Juyeon (gr 8-9), Chanhee probably?? (gr 10)

Relationships: Juyeon (gr 9)

Additional notes: good dancer, lowkey scary, Chanhee’s childhood friend

 

\--

Hyunjoon and Changmin were scouring Chanhee’s pantry and fridge in search for more snacks when Chanhee appeared in the kitchen, holding Changmin’s open laptop.

“You’ve got a problem,” Chanhee started, sweeping his hair back. “You need proper equipment to measure sound frequencies.”

Changmin walked towards him and reached for his laptop. “But I already have one.”

Chanhee pried his laptop away, closing it and placing it under his arm. “The SPL meter from the app store isn’t exactly the most accurate nor precise instrument for that.”

Changmin winced. His experiment was to measure the frequencies of claps at different distances. “I should’ve guessed that.”

“It doesn’t even measure frequency, Changmin, it measures sound pressure levels. Last time I checked, frequency and sound pressure couldn’t be more different,” Chanhee sighed.

Changmin felt guilty for relying on Chanhee like this, not when he’s done so much to help him in many ways. Surrendering, he asked, “What should I do?”

Chanhee handed him back his laptop. “I searched up ways to measure sound frequency, and you can use this thing called a Vernier microphone. I don’t know where you can get it in short notice, though.”

Changmin thought for a while, then decided he was desperate enough. Taking out his phone, he searched for Younghoon’s contact.

“Yep?” Younghoon greeted on the other end.

“Does your dad have a Vernier microphone?” Changmin asked, straight to the point.

The audio was muffled when Younghoon called out to his dad, asking if he had the apparatus. Soon after, he confirmed, “Yeah. Do you need it?”

“God bless you, Mr. Kim. I’m going to your house to borrow it right now, if that’s okay.”

Chanhee exclaimed in surprise. “The fuck? How convenient.”

Younghoon laughed. “Sure,” he said, then hung up.

“Younghoon’s dad’s a technician,” Changmin explained briefly, heading towards the front door.

Hyunjoon whistled. “Lucky you.”

Changmin squeezed his feet into his sneakers, opening the door. “Thanks,” he directed towards Chanhee, who furrowed his eyebrows.

“I’m coming with you,” Chanhee announced, walking into his room.

“And that’s my cue to leave,” Hyunjoon said, grabbing his sling bag from the kitchen counter.

Changmin stood by the door, watching as Hyunjoon walked past him. “If you want, you can come too.”

Hyunjoon clapped Changmin’s shoulder twice. “I was just about to leave anyway. Good luck on your lab report.”

Changmin pouted. He didn’t have a say in this. Turning around, he saw Chanhee putting on a jacket as he walked. “Come on, we don’t have all day,” Chanhee urged.

\--

Younghoon’s house was in a different neighborhood than the one Changmin and Chanhee resided in, so they had to walk to the bus station and wait for a ride to take them there.

The pressure and frustration from his looming deadline caging him, Changmin felt an outburst coming. He did have the tendency to bottle everything up until he exploded in the most inconvenient times.

This was one of them.

Changmin looked back, suddenly irritated at Chanhee’s walking speed.

“Why did you decide to tag along? This is _my_ project,” Changmin snapped, stopping in his tracks altogether.

Chanhee looked at him in disbelief. “Didn’t you ask for _my_ help?” he retorted.

Changmin stared at him as if he spat on his cereal. “I did, but I don’t need you following me around.”

Chanhee looked hurt. He shrunk, a guilty frown on his face. “… Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Oh. _I didn’t mean to…_ Changmin avoided his gaze, regretting his words.

Suddenly, he heard a voice call out to them, “Where are you going, sweetie? Flashing those legs of yours.”

Slowly, Changmin craned his neck towards the source of the voice. It was a middle-aged man, presumably drunk or high or both.

Chanhee simply scowled. “I guess I shouldn’t have worn shorts.”

Feeling something hot boil in his stomach, Changmin clicked his tongue and seized Chanhee’s wrist, dragging him away. The bus stop was straight ahead.

 _I don’t have time for this_ , Changmin thought.

They didn’t say anything during the whole bus ride.

Wasting no time, Changmin knocked on Younghoon’s door and immediately asked about the microphone and permission to use his room to reconduct his experiment from the beginning.

Younghoon scratched his head and handed him a box with the equipment his friend needed, which his dad had kindly fished from his room of laboratory appliances. Changmin threw a quick thanks and marched towards Younghoon’s room.

Before he could, however, Younghoon grabbed his shoulder and pulled him aside. “I didn’t know he would be here,” Younghoon observed, gesturing with his head towards Chanhee, who was standing dumbly in the hallway.

Changmin exhaled in annoyance. “Me neither. You can use this opportunity to make a new friend,” he suggested, almost condescendingly.

Younghoon have him a doubtful look and let his shoulder go.

As Changmin scurried off, he could hear a snippet of Younghoon and Chanhee’s first conversation:

“I thought I could help him with his experiment but I guess he doesn’t want any help,” Chanhee said.

Younghoon sighed. “Yeah, he never wants any help. Sorry about this, he’s kinda difficult sometimes.”

“Trust me, I know.”

\--

Amidst the stress and dread that accompanied Changmin as the second semester flew by was a ray of hope: at least his math scores have been gradually improving.

Chanhee helped numb the immediate fear Changmin felt when confronted with numbers and algebra, giving him tips as well as careful, patient instructions on how to tackle the different concepts and questions.

“When you’re dealing with limits, just pretend they’re normal algebraic equations,” Chanhee advised, fingers glossing over a question Changmin had trouble with.

“Then how are they different from normal equations?” Changmin groaned.

Chanhee giggled. “It’s self-explanatory. In limits, the value of x you’re looking for here is the place where the graph _doesn’t_ touch.”

Changmin stared at the question, trying his best to piece it together. He looked up at Chanhee apologetically. Shaking his head, he said, “I’m sorry, you lost me.”

“It’s alright,” Chanhee assured patiently. “Let’s use an analogy. Hmm…”

As Chanhee hung his head in thought, Changmin kept his eyes on him. _He’s so damn patient, it’s kinda scary_ , he thought.

Chanhee snapped his fingers. He took a pencil and drew a Cartesian plane, labeled the axes, and attempted to draw a linear graph. Emphasis on attempted. Wincing, he said, “Let’s pretend it’s straight.”

Changmin nodded. “It’s straight. Okay.”

Chanhee put a finger in the middle of the line. “You can see here that the graph is cut off, right?”

Changmin hummed in confirmation.

“But it’s still a line, right? It’s just that my finger is covering one part of it.”

“Yep.”

“The part that my finger is covering is the limit. It’s a point in the graph that’s part of the line, technically, but because of my finger, it isn’t.”

Changmin widened his eyes. “Oh! I get it,” he exclaimed.

Chanhee smiled. “So that’s what a limit is. It’s a point that the graph _approaches_ , but doesn’t reach.”

Throughout his entire school career, Changmin had believed that no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t grasp mathematical concepts. He grew to be okay with it, knowing that he’s content with barely passing scores. But that was all it was for him—a subject he hated that he knew he could never excel in. For the longest time, he didn’t care.

And for the first time, with Chanhee’s help, Changmin can confidently say that he really has been improving.

However, finals week came.

The rushed lab report marked the start of more bouts of distress, such as coffee-induced late nights to memorize pages of geography notes, cram novel summaries, and last-minute readings. Him and Hyunjoon had to take a break from their dance practices again.

The panic and pressure from a sadistic educational system caused Changmin to blank out during his math exam.

When he got his score back, he could swear he heard something shatter inside him. Hopeless and burned out, Changmin laughed harshly as he held his exam papers in his hand.

Of course, his parents didn’t take it well.

“What the hell is wrong with you?! This is worse than average!” Changmin’s father scolded, words sharp as a knife.

Changmin kept his head down, hands curled into fists. He bit back the tears threatening to spill.

“Did I pay that tutor for nothing?! I knew I shouldn’t have trusted a damn kid…”

At this, Changmin looked up. “Don’t drag him into this.”

His father glared at him. “What did you say?!”

Changmin exhaled shakily. An ugly feeling pooled in his stomach. “I said, don’t drag him into this.”

“You—How dare you talk back to me!” his father snapped.

Changmin tore his eyes away from him, feeling small.

Next to his father, his stepmother placed her hand on her husband’s arm. “Please, be more gentle with him. We don’t know what he’s going through.”

His father turned to her. “How hard can the life of a _teenager_ be?!”

Changmin shook his head and stormed into his room.

“Oh wow, now he’s running away,” he heard his father say before Changmin slammed his door and locked it with the turn of a key.

Pacing around his room, he snatched his phone from his bedside table.

Beep, beep, beep, click.

“Hi.”

Changmin held his phone tight. “Chanhee.”

“Changmin,” Chanhee returned on the other end. “What’s up?”

“Um,” Changmin started. He stopped pacing, standing still in the middle of his room. “Nothing.”

Chanhee didn’t say anything for a few moments. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Changmin let out a laugh. “It’s just that… Did you know that you’re still gonna have to tutor me for three more weeks?”

“Yeah. Mr. Kang emailed me.”

“Of course he did,” Changmin sighed. “So you… You don’t mind, right?” he asked gingerly.

Chanhee chuckled. “Of course I don’t mind. _You_ don’t mind, do you?”

Changmin rolled his eyes. Typical Chanhee, annoyingly considerate as usual. Not wanting to give in to the tension fueled in his household, he shifted to a lighter tone. “It’s not like I have a choice. I was looking forward to starting Tokyo Ghoul, but I guess that’ll have to wait.”

“What the—you’re telling me that you’ve never read Tokyo Ghoul?” Chanhee asked incredulously.

“Yep, and I’m ashamed to admit it. But well, life gets in the way,” Changmin confessed.

“Oh man, you better read the manga when you get around to it. The anime sucks.”

\--

The first year of high school left students burned out and exhausted, that the only thing they could feel when it was over was relief and fear for what awaits them after summer ends.

Changmin’s dance practices kept him busy, with the upcoming summer music festival performance haunting him like a ticking time bomb. Changmin had never performed in such a big audience before—the Boba Festival was a highly anticipated event that had fliers all over town, its advertisements being displayed on almost every online platform.

Of course, Changmin and Hyunjoon’s appearance was a small fraction of the hype, but his classmates and relatives were sending them good luck and anticipation messages which did not numb their nervousness.

Changmin still had his weekly tutoring sessions with Chanhee, as well as occasional meetups with him to get ice cream or watch movies as a replacement for his regularly scheduled dates with Younghoon, who had gone to the United States for the well-deserved holiday. Deep down, he was happy he got to spend more time with Chanhee.

Not like he’d ever admit that, obviously.

Chanhee had taken up such a big place in Changmin’s life, long before Changmin actually stopped to think about it. Chanhee never pushed to squeeze any further, only waiting until Changmin let him in even more. He was scared of how precious and important Chanhee had become to him, but at the same time, he was comfortable with it.

When Chanhee did come over for tutoring, more often than not, they would take up most of the time not doing anything; sitting in a comfortable silence in Changmin’s room, or talking about everything and nothing.

They were laying down on the floor, shoulders touching.

Chanhee was talking about something, but Changmin was barely paying attention.

“… It’s funny, actually. I didn’t know Younghoon and Kevin were that close, either. Maybe you could try setting them up,” Chanhee rambled on, facing the lightbulb on Changmin’s ceiling.

Changmin hummed, although he had no idea what he just replied to. He had his face turned ever so slightly, just enough to have Chanhee in his peripheral vision. _Younghoon’s right. He really is pretty_ , he thought.

Chanhee turned to him, meeting Changmin’s eyes. “What is it?”

Changmin faced the other way. “Nothing.”

“You know… You’re still paying for this. Even if I’m not teaching you anything right now,” Chanhee remarked airily.

Changmin focused his eyes on the empty ceiling. “I don’t mind paying to spend time with you,” he replied, eyelids heavy. His eyes fluttered close, ready to let his drowsiness take over.

Changmin felt Chanhee froze next to him. Laughing, Chanhee said, “That sounds oddly romantic.”

Changmin’s eyes cracked open, suddenly wide awake. He sat up, hyper-aware of everything. Chanhee looked at him, eyebrows raised.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Changmin snapped.

Chanhee sat up after him, inching away in caution. Softly, he said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“I still have math homework, let’s just… Let’s just start with that,” Changmin said, standing up and retrieving his schoolbag.

Chanhee stared at Changmin’s back as he sifted through messy sheets of paper in his worn out folder. He wanted to say something, but shut his mouth and looked away instead.

Changmin sat back down in front of Chanhee, pulling out a stapled bundle of paper. “This is due tomorrow, I forgot to tell you.”

Chanhee sighed, shaking his head. “What’s with you and cramming?”

“You’re not a high schooler if you don’t cram,” Changmin stated, tone unwavering.

Chanhee skimmed through the questions. “If you don’t cram, you’re a high schooler that can manage their time.”

“Fine. A high schooler who sold their soul to the devil.”

Changmin could talk to Chanhee about everything, going on and on about subjects varying from the inconsistencies of the quality of their school lunches to the origins of the universe. They could see eye to eye or agree to disagree about pretty much every single topic.

Every single topic but one.

And Changmin’s doing a pretty good job at not letting it bother him.

\--

“Okay, five-minute break, everyone,” Donghyun announced as the rest of his members dropped onto the floor.

Boba Fest was the next day, and Changmin’s dance squad had been practicing non-stop for the past three hours. He sat with his back against the mirror, next to Hyunjoon who was downing his water bottle.

“I think my legs died,” Changmin moaned.

Hyunjoon laughed weakly. “My head’s gonna explode.”

“Jesus,” Changmin exclaimed. He hoped the five minutes would extend to five hours.

“By the way,” Hyunjoon said, “what are your thoughts about Chanhee?”

Changmin pursed his lips. “I don’t know. He’s okay, I guess. He’s smart,” Changmin said.

“Is that all?” Hyunjoon pushed.

Changmin held his gaze. “He’s a good friend,” he said confidently.

“Oh. A friend?” Hyunjoon asked. “Nothing more?”

Changmin started to get irritated. “Look, I don’t know why people think there’s anything going on, but there’s nothing. He tutors me in math and we send memes to each other but that’s it.”

Hyunjoon looked at him, surprised at the sudden outburst. He thought for a while before saying, “Okay. Good to know.”

_Good to know?_

“Alright! Let’s do it from the top!” Donghyun said, clapping his hands.

Changmin exhaled in relief. Who knew that the end of breaktime would save him.

 

Name: Heo Hyunjoon

Birthday: 9 Mar

Personality traits: nosy bitch, fun to talk to tho

Type: soft boys that lift lmao

Ideal date: a walk in the park bc he’s that bitch

Crushes: Jimin (gr 7), Juyeon (gr 8-9), Chanhee ~~probably??~~ (gr 10)

Relationships: Juyeon (gr 9)

Additional notes: good dancer, lowkey scary, Chanhee’s childhood friend

 

\--

Changmin didn’t know that a crowd of people could be so loud. In concerts, maybe. But not in a public summer festival.

He paced back and forth in the small room him and his dance squad were waiting in. The other members were equally as nervous, with Minhyuk tapping his feet rapidly and Hyunjoon frozen in his seat, arms crossed with earbuds plugged in.

Changmin felt himself getting sick. It’s been a while since he performed, and in front of such a big audience, no less.

He excused himself and headed towards the bathroom.

Pulling out his phone, he looked for a name he was more than familiar with.

Beep, beep, beep, click.

“Hi there. How’s my favorite dancer doing?” Chanhee greeted.

A smile made its way onto Changmin’s face. “Nervous. I’ve never performed in front of so many people before.”

“Hey, you’ll do great. Just try not to think about all the people watching.”

“How do you know? You’ve never seen me dance.”

“Yeah, but Hyunjoon always talks about how good you are. I’m real tired of hearing it, actually.”

Changmin was touched. “He does?” he asked.

“Yep,” Chanhee confirmed. “Oh, I have a tip. Pretend the audience are cabbages.”

“Cabbages?” Changmin failed to hold back a laugh.

“Cabbages can’t hurt you, and they can’t judge you either. You can do the most off-beat macarena in front of millions of them and they’ll be none the wiser,” Chanhee explained.

Changmin felt his heartbeat grow more stable. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Chanhee replied. “Just don’t worry, okay?”

“I’ll try.”

As Changmin walked back to the room his members were in, their team was called to the stage.

Changmin breathed in and out, chanting “cabbages, cabbages, cabbages,” to the rhythm of his own heartbeat.

Before the music started, all set, when everyone was in position, Changmin took one quick look in the crowd and spotted Chanhee in the front row, giving him a thumbs up.

Changmin was grinning as the music started.

\--

After the performance, Changmin changed and decided to go home. Hyunjoon asked if he wanted to stay and enjoy the rest of the evening in the festival, but Changmin desired the comfort of his own bed more than anything and politely declined.

He texted Chanhee that he would be going home, and Chanhee asked him to wait for him by the entrance.

“You don’t want to stay?” Changmin asked as he met Chanhee.

“Nah, I’m not really a big fan of the artists,” Chanhee said.

They talked, hands barely brushing as they walked towards the train station. The heart of the town, which was where the festival was being held, was quite far from their neighborhood.

“You were amazing, I told you you’d kill it,” Chanhee complimented.

“Thanks,” Changmin said. “I followed your advice, by the way. The cabbage thing.”

Chanhee laughed. “It was an honor to be a cabbage for ten minutes.”

“The honor is mine. Performing in front of such a prestigious, nutritious crowd is a once in a lifetime opportunity,” Changmin replied jokingly.

As they entered the station terminal, Chanhee said that he was going the opposite route.

“I’m staying in my cousin’s house for the summer. Family tradition,” Chanhee explained.

Changmin gaped at him. “You were staying somewhere far away but you still tutored me?”

They sat down on a bench in front of the train tracks. Chanhee nodded. “Of course. I need the money.”

Oh. Changmin ignored his sinking heart. “I see. Yeah, that makes sense.”

Chanhee limply punched him in the shoulder. “That and I still want to see you during the summer.”

Changmin couldn’t suppress his smile.

They waited for the trains to arrive in a comfortable silence. Changmin was almost sad that they had to go their separate ways right away, since Chanhee would usually walk with him and drop him off at his house or vice versa. It was a small change in a routine Changmin grew to anticipate, but he tried not to let it bother him.

It was only a train ride.

Changmin was content with whatever they had. He didn’t want it to change, but at the same time he had a gnawing feeling that it could slip out of his hands and break if he wasn’t careful.

Changmin wanted to say something before they had to go up and board different trains, but Chanhee beat him to it.

“I like you.”

Crash.

What?

Changmin’s eyes widened. He kept his gaze focused on his shoes, avoiding eye contact with Chanhee. He didn’t know if Chanhee was looking at him, waiting for him to look back—and Changmin hoped that he wasn’t.

When Changmin didn’t say anything, Chanhee forced a laugh. “I just wanted to let you know.”

Changmin still didn’t look at him. “How long?”

“Almost a year now, I think.”

Oh. Changmin’s own voice sounded strange to him. “Chanhee, you know that I—”

“Yeah. You think the whole romance thing is bullshit. I know.”

Changmin instinctively recoiled. “… Yeah.”

For the first time, Changmin wished they would part ways soon.

As if on cue, the train in front of them rushed by before stopping.

“My train’s here,” Chanhee said. “I’ll see you at school in two weeks.”

Changmin didn’t say anything, keeping his head down as the train and Chanhee disappeared.

 

Name: Choi Chanhee

Birthday: 26 Apr

Personality traits: nice to talk to, ~~annoying??~~ , kind, ~~weird idk, SCARY~~ , how tf r u so selfless

Type:

Ideal date:

Crushes: ~~????!!?!?!??! wtf (gr 10)~~ Changmin (gr 10)

Relationships: some boys

Additional notes: ~~idk much about him yet but i’ll get there~~ , ~~i’m pretty sure he has ulterior motives~~ , ~~he’s just weird, this guy is BAD NEWS~~ , i’m sorry

 

\--

 

[4 – flare guns]

 

As summer faded into a desaturated blur, back-to-school advertisements infested every store and website, and Changmin had to abandon his newly adopted habit of sleeping in and having cereal for dinner.

On the first day of eleventh grade, the first thing Changmin saw when he entered the school building was Younghoon talking with Chanhee in the hallway.

Something churned in his stomach.

He hadn’t met or talked to Chanhee ever since the day of Boba Fest, his disappearing silhouette in the train being the last thing Changmin saw of him.

It was a bit surreal seeing him again. Someone who had become so ingrained in Changmin’s life for the past year, who Changmin was forced to view in a different lens. The three words Chanhee said to him in the train station stayed on Changmin’s mind as summer ended.

To say he was confused was an understatement.

When Chanhee spotted him and slightly flinched, that was when Changmin realized he’d been staring. Younghoon turned around, beaming as he ran towards him and engulfed Changmin in a hug.

Changmin protested as Younghoon ruffled his hair, but couldn’t help the smile on his face. He did miss his best friend, after all.

“Get off me,” Changmin complained weakly.

Younghoon grinned and placed his hand on Changmin’s shoulder. “So. How was your summer?”

Changmin huffed. “Boring. But it was nice, it felt good to get a break,” he admitted.

“Oh man, I wish school would just disappear,” Younghoon pouted.

Changmin nodded in agreement, looking behind Younghoon in curiosity.

Chanhee was gone.

\--

Changmin checked his phone and scanned the new school schedule set as his lockscreen wallpaper. His first class was literature. Sighing in relief, he thanked his lucky stars that he didn’t have to start every Monday morning with a subject with numbers in it.

Thankfully, all the classrooms were the same as last year, so he had no trouble finding his other peers. Opening the door, he spotted Hyunjoon occupying an otherwise empty table in the front of the class. Changmin walked in and headed towards him.

However, before he could reach him, Hyunjoon grabbed his things and strode past him, bumping into Changmin’s shoulder and settling in the table next to him.

Changmin raised an eyebrow in question, mouth agape.

Hyunjoon sat on the empty seat next to Sangyeon, who had witnessed the exchange and gave Changmin an equally confused look.

Just as Changmin was about to say something, his teacher entered the room and told the class to quiet down.

Hyunjoon still didn’t meet his eyes, resting his cheek on his palm and staying silent.

Changmin tried his best to focus on the subject material, furiously taking notes when his teacher discussed the cultural significance of _Pygmalion_ while he tried not to think about the empty seat next to him.

At the end of class, Changmin threw his pencil case and notebook into his bag, not bothering to zip it closed as he chased Hyunjoon out of the classroom.

Changmin managed to grab Hyunjoon’s shoulder and make him turn his head in surprise.

“Did I do something?” Changmin asked.

Hyunjoon gave him a dirty look—the same one he would give to rival dancers who underestimated him or students who had a problem with his snarky attitude. Changmin never thought that he would be at the receiving end of it.

“I’m not the person you should ask.”

“Huh?” Changmin asked, baffled. Hyunjoon jerked his shoulder away and walked off.

\--

Changmin’s days were different.

At least, they were different than how Changmin envisioned them to be. Of course, Wednesdays where Chanhee would tutor him were no more, since their sessions finished last summer. Fridays were awkward, since Hyunjoon and him had dance practice.

Of course, Younghoon still came over every other day, and they would stick to each other like usual, but that’s a given.

The biggest difference was that Chanhee wasn’t by his side anymore.

Changmin’s encounters with him would be in between classes, when Chanhee would appear in the corner of his eye and Changmin would make an effort to look the other way or avoid him altogether, waiting until Chanhee passed by before progressing.

 _It’s awkward_ , Changmin would reason with himself.

The only way Changmin would know what Chanhee was up to was through Younghoon’s stories, out of all things.

“You know, apparently he hates tomatoes? He actually opens his burger to check and removes them if there are any,” Younghoon said in a café one day.

Changmin had his chin on the table, eyes gazing off somewhere. _He always threw them away if I didn’t eat them for him_ , Changmin remarked in his head. “I didn’t know that,” he said instead.

He grew to accept it.

Chanhee was never his to begin with, so why should he care? Friends come and go, that’s why he made sure not to get attached to them.

It still hurt, though.

It still hurt, when on nights that were a little too quiet, Changmin still reached for his phone and stopped himself before calling the most frequently contacted number.

Three weeks into the semester, Changmin got stuck doing a math problem.

He’d been gradually improving, thanks to a certain someone as well as his own will to get better, but when a calculus worksheet had too many “e”s and fractions, his train of thought would crash in a big pile of smoke.

Out of frustration, he picked up his phone.

Beep, beep, beep, click.

It was silent on both ends for a few seconds.

Then: “Hello?” Chanhee greeted.

Changmin went rigid. His mouth was open, but nothing came out.

“Changmin?”

 _Shit_.

“Sorry, wrong number,” Changmin croaked out before hitting “end call”.

He decided to google the answers. He found the answer key to the entire worksheet, crying out in triumph.

It was almost enough to get Chanhee out of his mind.

Almost.

\--

Changmin concluded that it was better to just move on.

Chanhee came into his life so easily, it shouldn’t be too hard to cut him off.

Right?

Not really.

One weekend, Younghoon was in Changmin’s house. Nothing out of the ordinary, it was a comfortable silence as usual. Until Younghoon broke it.

“Can I talk to you about something?”

At this, Changmin paused in his typing and looked at his friend, taken aback. Younghoon never asks to talk about something. In their ten years of knowing each other, both of them didn’t know the concept of TMI, saying anything they wanted no matter how urgent or unnecessary.

This was unusual.

“Go on…?” Changmin urged.

Younghoon exhaled. “I think… I’m falling for Chanhee,” he said slowly.

Oh.

Huh.

Changmin felt something break inside him.

It hurt.

“Good for you,” Changmin said monotonously. “Say it with your whole chest then, it’s not like it’s a government secret.”

Younghoon recoiled at Changmin’s cold tone. “I thought you liked him.”

That again, huh?

Changmin wanted to throw something.

Instead, he laughed harshly. “No, I fucking don’t. If you want to be with him then be my guest. I’ll arrange a fucking bouquet for your wedding.”

Younghoon shut his laptop, startling Changmin.

Changmin gaped at him in surprise.

“What’s gotten into you? Am I not allowed to like someone?” Younghoon asked, looking at him in both sadness and anger.

Changmin shook his head. “No, I didn’t mean that—”

“Oh, because romance is stupid right?” Younghoon cut him off. “Okay, maybe it _is_ stupid. Maybe I’m a fucking dumbass for wanting something you avoided like the plague.”

“Younghoon—”

“But with Chanhee, I’m willing to try.”

Changmin was rendered silent. He looked down, biting the inside of his cheek.

Younghoon slipped his laptop in his backpack and slung it over his shoulder. He stood up, opened the door, and stopped in his tracks.

“You know, he only looked at you,” Younghoon stated without looking at Changmin.

Changmin raised his head slowly.

His chest hurt.

“He’s only ever looked at you,” Younghoon said, voice shaking. “You’re just too stubborn to look back at him.”

And just like that, Younghoon left.

\--

“Wow, it just keeps getting worse,” Changmin said to no one as he tried opening his locker for the fifth time to no avail.

The mechanism was probably jammed, Changmin couldn’t have forgotten the combination when it was given just a little over a month ago.

Changmin was doing fine.

It felt strange, actively steering out of contact with another person that lasted for more than ten seconds, but he’s never realized that he’s good at it. Avoiding people.

During lunch, he took one quick look at the buzzing blur of students in groups and tables and stood in his spot, unmoving. When he spotted Younghoon taking a seat with a table full of people Changmin didn’t know well, that was when he decided to look for a place to eat elsewhere.

Changmin never took the time to really know everyone else outside of filling in their profile in his human almanac. He did know the names of every single person in his school, but he knew none of them.

As much as it stung, Changmin was happy Younghoon had other friends he could reach out to.

It makes sense. When you’re pretty much stuck with the same sour face for ten years, it gets dull.

Sighing, Changmin decided that his locker could wait for tomorrow. He could just download a free copy of his geography textbook online. Shrugging, he turned around to go home.

Except he didn’t.

He came face to face with Chanhee, who blinked in surprise.

“Hey, how have you been?” Chanhee greeted, with the same damn smile on his face.

Changmin let his eyes instinctively fall to his feet. “I’m good,” he lied.

Chanhee chuckled. “I see. Rough week? Our seniors did say that eleventh grade is when shit hits the fan.”

_Why are you still so nice to me?_

“I mean, midterms are coming quicker than we thought,” Chanhee said.

Slowly, Changmin let himself look at Chanhee.

Only then could Changmin see that Chanhee’s smile was different. It wasn’t the usual radiant, genuine grin Changmin grew accustomed to.

It was broken.

Finally, Changmin realized it.

Like a whiplash, a revelation slapped him across the face.

Oh.

 _Holy shit_.

 _Oh God_.

It all makes sense. It took Changmin a whole year to figure it out, to set his stubborn pride aside and finally see.

To finally look at him.

There was so much he wanted to say, but nothing came out.

Instead, Changmin said, “Younghoon likes you.”

Chanhee averted his eyes before admitting, “I know. He told me yesterday.”

“And?”

Some part of Changmin was hopeful. He knew he didn’t deserve it, but he still wished—

“And… He’s my boyfriend now,” Chanhee said, looking back at him.

Bang.

Never mind.

Changmin smiled and nodded, his gaze dropping to the floor. “Ah… I’m happy for you. Congratulations.”

_I’m an idiot. Of course._

He should have seen it coming. The clues are out there in the open, all Changmin had to do was connect the dots.

Then again, he _is_ the densest person he’s ever known.

For the first time, Changmin’s reputation as matchmaker being tarnished further wasn’t what hurt him the most.

Changmin’s vision blurred, and he felt a tear wet his cheeks. Followed by another, and another, and another.

Chanhee widened his eyes in alarm. “Changmin?”

Chanhee put a hand on his shoulder, but Changmin flinched and moved back, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

“Don’t touch me. I’m sorry, I…” Changmin said sharply. He inched backwards. “Just don’t touch me, please.”

Before Chanhee could say anything else, Changmin spun on his heels and ran away.

\--

How likely was it for Changmin to lose two of the most important people in his life at the same time?

Pretty fucking likely.

Changmin ended up shifting his focus to schoolwork. He buried himself under textbooks and attempted to reorganize his notes. Gradually, he started to cut own on the cramming and actually enjoyed what he learned in his subjects. (Except for geography. Cities and countries gave him existential crises.) If numbers and academic jargon gave him headaches however, he would catch up on anime.

Tangled under his covers, Changmin finally got around to entertaining his curiosity of Tokyo Ghoul.

As he clicked on the last episode of the first season, he shook his head as his mind went to Chanhee again.

_The anime’s not that bad._

Changmin started to like being alone.

When students came up to him to ask for help regarding their woes in romance, Changmin would dismiss them and tell them he couldn’t help them.

“Just do what you think is right. I mean, if you like them, then you should know enough about them, right?” Changmin reasoned.

Truthfully, the whole love thing finally made Changmin sick.

He hadn’t bothered to redeem himself as the school matchmaker, and at the same time it became the norm for Changmin to spot Younghoon and Chanhee sneaking held hands under classroom tables, walking home together, and posting pictures of each other on Instagram.

They’re doing fine. Changmin should be happy for them.

He almost convinced himself that he didn’t need anyone. Almost.

Well, Changmin is still human, after all.

As much as Changmin willed to become a lone wolf, the world just couldn’t leave him alone.

It happened one night when all Changmin wanted was a cup of ramen.

Clad in nothing but pajamas and a pair of slippers his family stole from a hotel in Jeju years back, Changmin made his way to the convenience store near school. The one he and Younghoon frequented.

When he passed by his school, he heard what sounded like something being sprayed, followed by hushed whispers and laughter.

Frozen in his place, Changmin immediately feared the worst.

_Pepper spray?_

No.

_Someone’s being abducted._

Changmin hid behind a tree, trying to make out the shadows moving along the walls of his school.

“Guys, can you be quieter? What if we get caught?” Changmin heard a voice plead.

The voice sounded familiar.

“It’s fine, the guards fall asleep at this hour. No one’s gonna know,” another voice assured.

_What the hell are they doing?!_

Changmin crouched on the ground and grabbed a rock by his feet. Cursing himself, Changmin jumped out of the tree and pointed it at the trespassers.

“Don’t move!” he yelled out.

The three individuals screamed in surprise. One fell on his bottom and the other two jumped back at least a meter.

“Wait… Changmin?”

“Kevin?” Changmin asked, astonished.

It was Kevin, Sohn Eric, and Kim Sunwoo. He didn’t share any classes with the other two, but he knew their faces as the school’s renowned troublemakers. Changmin didn’t know how the mild-mannered, all-star student Moon Kevin ended up hanging around with them, but they seem to be good friends.

“A-Are you gonna report us?” Eric whimpered, still on the ground.

“What? No, I don’t even know why you’re here,” Changmin said.

“Thank God. Just don’t, okay?” Sunwoo pleaded.

Changmin glanced at the wall next to them. Now the spraying sound made sense.

On the wall was a very crudely drawn smiley face with its eyes crossed out, with the word “hell” written next to it. The paint was dripping down messily, but it was still somewhat decipherable.

Changmin looked back at the three. “Are you finished with that?”

Sunwoo crossed his arms. “No. We’re still gonna fill in the face with red.”

“Red? I thought we agreed on blue,” Eric complained, standing back up and patting his pants down.

“Blue doesn’t deliver an angry enough message, Eric,” Sunwoo retorted.

Kevin sighed. “Then why did you draw the outline with yellow?”

“We’re doing a primary colors theme! I thought we discussed this!” Eric piped up.

“Fair enough,” Kevin surrendered. He retrieved a large piece of cardboard and walked towards the wall.

Changmin was left speechless. He didn’t know what he should do.

Kevin held up the cardboard against the wall. Changmin could see that it had been cut out, used as a guide for the graffiti they did on the wall. Typical artsy Kevin.

Sunwoo shook a can of spray paint in his hand. “If you’re not gonna report us, best you be on your way, then.”

“Thanks for being part of the cause! Your silence is greatly appreciated,” Eric said, giving him a bow.

Changmin raised an eyebrow. What a strange bunch.

He watched them as they continued working, hands busy as they vandalized the school. Changmin couldn’t care less about the school’s policy, plus he was quite thrilled about a student revolution.

Not like their efforts would change anything, but he admired their enthusiasm.

He pouted, weighing his options.

_Why not._

Changmin stepped forward, holding the cardboard against the wall next to Kevin.

“Wha—You’re helping?” Kevin asked, eyes wide.

Sunwoo and Eric paused in their spraying to look at him in bewilderment.

Changmin shrugged. “I’m contributing to the cause.”

The three were silent for a few seconds, before Eric grinned and shouted, “Yeah!”

He shouted a little bit too loudly, because they heard guards approaching and demand them to show themselves. The four boys scrambled to grab their supplies and ran off as fast as they could.

\--

When they were out of school premises, they crouched, hands on their knees, out of breath.

“Wow. That was close,” Eric said, wiping his forehead with his arm.

Sunwoo glared at him. “If you didn’t shout like that, we could have finished the damn thing!”

Eric put his hands in front of him defensively. “Hey! At least we finished the outline! We made our mark,” he argued.

Kevin exhaled in relief. “At least we didn’t get caught.”

Changmin collapsed on the ground, head spinning. He hadn’t felt adrenaline like that in a while.

The other three crowded around him and looked down on him, all smiles. If it weren’t for Changmin’s exhausted state, he would find the sight slightly terrifying. They also resembled that one Shrek poster, but Changmin was too tired to laugh.

“Hey, thanks for helping,” Kevin said.

“If you need anything, just know that we owe you one! You’re one of us now,” Eric announced.

Changmin looked at him in question. “All I did was help you hold the cardboard.”

Sunwoo shrugged. “Still. You’re okay in our book,” he said, holding out his hand.

Changmin looked at it warily, narrowing his eyes as he took it to pull himself back up.

“See you at school!” Eric said, waving as he walked off. Sunwoo and Kevin followed suit, waving to him as well.

Changmin returned the wave limply, an awkward smile on his face and a warm feeling in his chest. Eric’s words resonated in his mind.

“You’re one of us now.”

And yet, Changmin couldn’t help but wonder if he really deserved it.

\--

As the next day rolled around, Changmin delved into his new routine.

(Which was pretty much his normal routine minus Younghoon and Chanhee. And Hyunjoon on Fridays.)

He woke up, pretended he was a shoujo manga protagonist as he ran to school with a piece of bread in his mouth, and let school take him with its clawed hands to chew him back out.

And then there was lunch.

Changmin took his portion of lunch—a burger and soda, which wasn’t terrible for school standards—and headed to the staircase to make his way to the rooftop. Changmin was surprised no one stayed up there during lunch when it has such a nice view and moderate shade from the sun.

Then he remembered that most people had friends.

Mind buzzing with the assignments he had to juggle and somehow finish by that same week, Changmin was distracted as he pushed through the crowd of students in the stuffy canteen hall.

He had his head down as usual, which he quickly learned to be ineffective when he bumped into someone.

Ouch.

It was Younghoon.

“Oh! I’m sorry,” Changmin uttered in surprise, regretting all his life decisions.

Younghoon shook his head, looking at him in worry. “It’s fine… Um, do you have anywhere to sit?”

Changmin gaped at him.

_Why…_

“I uh… Yes,” Changmin lied, swerving around him with his food tray.

“Whoa, there.”

_WHY._

Of course, out of every other individual in the school Changmin had to bump into next, it had to be Choi Chanhee. Changmin was certain that the world was plotting his demise.

“Changmin,” Chanhee said, eyebrows raised.

 _Chanhee_ , Changmin returned in his head.

Changmin squeezed his eyes shut and made a run for it.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid, you’re making it ten times worse, god dammit,_ he yelled at himself.

“Hey!”

Changmin screeched his feet to a halt, nearly toppling over.

_Oh man, who is it this time?_

Changmin turned his head and saw Eric, Sunwoo, and Kevin on a table, amused expressions on their faces. Next to them were Sangyeon and Jacob.

“Where are you going in such a rush?” Eric continued.

Changmin looked at him dumbly. He raised his finger and pointed it towards the staircase. “Rooftop.”

“What for?” Sunwoo asked.

“Um,” Changmin muttered. “To eat.”

Jacob asked, “Why don’t you sit with us?”

Huh.

Changmin gazed at them, in fear or doubt or a mixture of both. They were looking at him expectantly, with no traces of judgment on any of their faces.

It couldn’t hurt. Right?

Changmin asked slowly, “Can I sit with you guys?”

They looked at him in concern. Kevin laughed. “Of course! Here, come sit next to me.”

Changmin settled on the spot next to Kevin. He shot Kevin a thankful smile.

The five of them stared at him in awe and wonder. Jacob clapped quietly.

“… What is it?” Changmin asked, insecure.

“It’s just that you’re always alone. We’ve always wanted to ask you to stay with us if you’d like, but you were always so closed off,” Sangyeon supplied.

“Sure you talked to everyone, but you always disappear right after. I mean, now you don’t even talk to anyone at all,” Kevin observed.

Changmin sighed. So people have noticed.

“You don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Sunwoo assured. “It’s fine, just take it easy.”

Kevin patted Changmin’s arm softly. Changmin started to smile.

“You’re one of us now, remember?” Eric said. “I mean, only if you want to be.”

_What’s with people and being nice? It’s so weird._

He thought of Younghoon, who spent the last ten years letting Changmin stick to him like a cicada, not batting an eye to Changmin’s selfish actions.

He thought of Chanhee, who stayed with him and answered his calls, cheering him up for the whole of last year. Chanhee, who stayed close to him when Changmin needed him to be, knowing that Changmin was too stubborn to come to terms with his own feelings.

Changmin looked at the individuals in front of him one by one, wondering why the hell they would be nice to someone like him.

 _Maybe I shouldn’t be so scared anymore_.

“Thanks, guys,” Changmin said.

\--

Changmin started to open up.

Well, it took a bit of adjusting.

The weekend after Changmin’s first lunch spent sitting with a group of people, Sangyeon added him into a group chat with them plus Eric’s friend from another school, Lee Felix.

At first, Changmin was unsure why someone from a different school was added, but then he learned that it was because Felix and Eric were pretty much inseparable. His matchmaker instincts told him there was something more, but he decided to let things run their course untouched. He could be wrong, after all.

Little by little, Changmin started to see color again.

With a few hiccups here and there.

One of those hiccups took place after Changmin, Kevin, Eric, and Sunwoo went to see a movie.

Changmin thought it was incredibly cheesy: the one thing he hated about romance the most was the barrage of vomit-inducing movies that came with it. Kevin, on the other hand, was sobbing by the end of it.

“Really? That was the cheesiest thing I’ve seen,” Changmin said to Kevin, patting his back.

“But she died… And Yuzuru had to live on by himself…” Kevin whined, wiping his tears.

Changmin rolled his eyes, a smile still on his face. Changmin learned that Kevin was a softie at heart, and he honestly found it endearing. On reflex, Changmin pulled out his phone to check his notifications. It had Instagram open.

The first post that loaded was one from Younghoon’s account.

Caught off-guard, Changmin waited until the video loaded.

It was a video of Younghoon trying his hand at a claw machine, taken by someone else. The person was laughing, and Changmin could recognize that voice anywhere.

Changmin cracked a smile as Younghoon struggled to obtain a stuffed giraffe. He’s horrible at these kinds of games.

Surprisingly, that long-limbed dork successfully grabbed it.

The person recording cheered and praised him. “Wow, I didn’t think you’d actually get it.”

Younghoon chuckled and took the plushie, giving it to him.

“Aw, look guys, my boyfriend’s a real champ,” Chanhee said just before the video cut off.

Changmin pressed the home button right after it finished.

There goes that all too familiar ache in Changmin’s chest again.

Romance really does suck.

“Hey Changmin?” Kevin asked after a few moments of hesitance.

Changmin looked at him, pocketing his phone. “Yeah?”

“I know I’m prying, but…” Kevin continued, “I mean, we’ve never really been close or anything, but if you ever feel alone, you can always come talk to me.”

Changmin didn’t say anything.

“I’ll be here if you want to hang out. Or just talk…” Kevin said, voice trailing off. “It’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes, you know.”

Changmin smiled, grateful. _That’s something Chanhee would say_ , he thought.

“Thanks, Kevin.”

Kevin smiled back. “No problem.”

They walked towards the entrance, catching up to Eric and Sunwoo who were ahead.

 _Wait a minute_.

Changmin stopped in his tracks, and Kevin followed, startled.

“By the way,” Changmin said, “you don’t still like Younghoon, do you?”

Kevin’s eyes went wide, face turning red. Changmin smiled in triumph. _I still got it_ , he thought to himself.

“After all this time?” Changmin asked, resuming his walking.

Kevin chuckled emptily. “I’m stupid, am I?”

 _If you’re stupid, then what am I?_ Changmin thought. “No, not really. I know worse.”

“Younghoon did tell me that the reason you’re so good at this matchmaking thing is because it’s like a game for you,” Kevin said.

“That’s because I hate the idea of romance,” Changmin said for the hundredth time.

Kevin was quiet.

“I loathe it, I really do. In a way, I wanted to prove to everyone that relationships really don’t last,” Changmin admitted, his father’s face flashing in his mind. “But when you’re dragged into it, you can’t see it as a fun game anymore.”

Kevin furrowed his eyebrows, confused.

Changmin sighed. “It’s not fun when you’re the sorest loser there.”

\--

Wednesday was a day Changmin looked forward to. Even though Chanhee stopped coming over to tutor him and spend two hours in a useless conversation, Changmin still anticipated it.

He didn’t know why, but he had a feeling that something would happen.

He would be let down when he wakes up the following day, but he still viewed the week after the same way.

That Wednesday, something really did happen.

Changmin was lazing about on the couch in his living room, not paying attention to the television program with the volume turned down. Suddenly, he heard his doorbell ring.

Changmin sprang up and answered it, hoping that maybe…

Chanhee was standing in front of him.

He really was.

_Fuck._

_He’s actually here._

Changmin didn’t plan ahead. He didn’t say anything, only gaped at the boy in front of him, mind going a hundred miles per second.

Both of them didn’t say anything for a long time.

“Hey, I just wanted to give you something,” Chanhee finally said.

Changmin closed his mouth, nodding. Why didn’t he just say something, dammit?

Chanhee pulled out a familiar giraffe plushie from behind him.

“It reminded me of you,” Chanhee said.

What.

Changmin finally managed to speak. “But… Younghoon gave that to you. You can’t just—”

Chanhee sighed, shaking his head. “Just take it, okay?”

Changmin frowned as he took the stuffed animal in his hands. He looked at it, holding it up in front of him. Was his neck really that long?

“Thanks,” Changmin said softly.

Changmin wanted to invite him in, wanted to spend time with him like they always did. Perhaps Changmin could say something and they would talk as if nothing ever happened, as if a year hadn’t passed and they were procrastinating doing math again.

But he didn’t. Instead, Chanhee did.

“You and Younghoon aren’t talking, aren’t you?”

That hit the mark. Changmin averted his gaze.

“Look, I know he’s your best friend,” Chanhee said, an exasperated tone in his voice. “I don’t know what happened between you two, but you need to fix it.”

 _Oh, if only you knew what happened_ , Changmin thought, the voice in his head ringing in a tired tone.

Changmin shook his head. “I don’t think he wants to talk to me.”

“Bullshit,” Chanhee deadpanned. “He misses you.”

Oh.

Does he really?

Changmin’s chest ached again. He should probably get that checked soon.

“And… I miss you,” Chanhee admitted, voice trailing off.

Changmin didn’t say anything. He stared at Chanhee, lost in the words he wanted to say but didn’t have the strength to let out.

“Can you please… Say something?” Chanhee begged, leaning on the doorframe.

He’s so close. Just a little more and—

Chanhee stepped backwards.

Forcing a laugh, Chanhee said, “What am I doing? You clearly don’t want anything to do with me.”

_No, wait—_

“I’ll be going now,” Chanhee said, turning around. “Sorry for stopping by out of the blue.”

Changmin watched as Chanhee’s back disappeared into the dark streets of his neighborhood.

\--

The human almanac had been abandoned for a while.

It’s funny, that notebook was the one thing Changmin would always come back to. Almost obsessively, he would update it with every bit of new information he could obtain.

But now, he wanted it to disappear from his sight.

 _I think it’s time I throw this thing away_ , Changmin contemplated as he went through the pages of his worn out, seven-year old notebook.

The last page he had filled in was Chanhee’s profile.

He stared at his own name on one of the sections. It was strange, seeing it there.

He wondered if it still held any truth.

“What the hell,” he uttered to himself as he opened a new, clean page and wrote a brand new profile. “Might as well go all out.”

He didn’t fill in everything, but it was enough to get it out there. For himself, anyway.

Changmin closed his notebook and threw it in the trashcan.

Crawling into his bed, giraffe plushie in hand, Changmin placed his blanket over his head and slept.

 

Name: Ji Changmin

Birthday: 5 Nov

Personality traits: an asshole

Type:

Ideal date:

Crushes: Chanhee (gr 10-11)

Relationships:

Additional notes:

 

\--

 

[5 – there’s no way]

 

Changmin was glad the bakery opened so early in the morning.

The second he woke up, unlike the usual Saturday instinct that possessed him to go back to sleep or laze around with YouTube open in five different tabs, Changmin snatched a hoodie from his closet and rushed to the local bakery.

Changmin grabbed a loaf of bread from the counter, slid a few bills towards the cashier, and hoped for the best.

Younghoon’s house was a place Changmin was familiar with, it was pretty much his second home. Standing in front of it now, Changmin felt like a stranger on the outside looking in.

Because that’s what he had become.

Sucking in his pride and holding the plastic-wrapped bread in his hand tight, Changmin slowly knocked on the door.

Changmin kept his head down as he heard the creak of the door being opened. Gingerly raising his head, he came face to face with Younghoon, who wore an expression of astonishment.

They stood in silence, as if something would go wrong if they broke it.

Younghoon tilted his head, waiting for Changmin to explain himself. There was no trace of resentment on his face, just curiosity.

“I’m sorry,” Changmin apologized.

Younghoon gaped at him.

Changmin exhaled. “I’ve been selfish. Of course you’re allowed to like someone, you deserve to find happiness like everybody else.”

Younghoon started to smile. Changmin allowed himself a sliver of hope.

“Romance fucking sucks but if that’s what people want to pursue, then who am I to laugh at them?” Changmin continued. “Who am I to laugh at _you_?”

Younghoon pouted, narrowing his eyes. Changmin felt his heart drop. Of course, it couldn’t be that easy to be welcomed back into the friendship he missed so badly.

But then, Changmin felt himself being enveloped in a hug.

Oh?

Sweet, soft Younghoon. Changmin missed this.

He wrapped his arms around his best friend, squeezing him back.

“I missed you,” Younghoon said.

They stayed like that for a while until Changmin pulled away. “I’ve been a shitty friend, I’m sorry.”

“I’m glad you acknowledged that,” Younghoon said, eyes watering.

Oh no. “Please don’t cry, I’m gonna cry,” Changmin pleaded.

“No, I wont,” Younghoon denied, pulling him back in another hug.

Changmin laughed, and then jokingly asked, “Do you hug Chanhee for this long too?”

Younghoon let go of him and placed his hands on Changmin’s shoulders. “Nope. This is best friend exclusive.”

Changmin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “But… He’s your boyfriend.”

Ouch. No matter how hard Changmin tries to bury it down, that fact still hurt. He swatted Chanhee’s face away from his mind.

_I don’t need you here, not now._

Younghoon shook his head. “Not anymore.”

What?

“You broke up with him?” Changmin asked, mouth dropping open.

“Yep!” Younghoon affirmed, grinning. He looked awfully happy, Changmin couldn’t help but be confused.

Changmin looked at Younghoon as if he grew a third arm. “Why would you… Do that…?”

“Because I realized that it was a bit counterproductive to date someone who’s still in love with someone else,” Younghoon explained, giving him a knowing look.

Changmin felt his heart rate pick up.

No way. It can’t be.

“When did you…?”

“Just today,” Younghoon answered.

“What the fuck.”

“Yep. It was kind of painful, actually,” Younghoon sighed, letting go of Changmin. “I was surprised he said yes when I asked him out. He tried, he really did—to get over you.”

\--

Changmin spent the rest of the day playing board games in Younghoon’s house with his younger siblings. Apparently, Younghoon’s mom had done some cleaning and uncovered at least a dozen game sets buried underneath their furniture and in abandoned boxes.

It turns out, the bread loaf Changmin bought as a peace offering wasn’t necessary.

Younghoon accepted it gratefully, of course, but as Changmin watched his best friend happily cut it to pieces, he knew that Younghoon would have welcomed him back nonetheless.

It felt like home.

When Younghoon’s parents offered Changmin to stay over for dinner, Changmin refused and thanked them for having him as usual.

He still had one thing left to do.

Entering his house, Changmin was greeted by his stepmother. He simply muttered an “evening” in response and rushed to his room, phone clutched in his hand.

Changmin locked himself in his room and sat on his bed, staring at Chanhee’s contact in his phone screen.

His finger hovered over the call button, but he hesitated.

_What if Younghoon’s wrong?_

_What if…_

Changmin threw his phone on his bed, springing up to pace around his room in distress.

He could do this.

He _should_ do this.

Eyeing his phone, he decided, “It’s now or never,” and swore at himself as he pressed the button.

Beep, beep, beep, click.

 _To hell with this_ , Changmin thought. “You’re wrong.”

“What?” Chanhee asked on the other end, confusion lacing his voice.

Changmin took a deep breath. “Yesterday, you said that I wouldn’t want anything to do with you,” he continued. “Well the truth is, I do.”

Chanhee was silent for a few moments. “What are you saying?”

“I…” Changmin started, wincing. Shaking his head, he pushed through. “Dammit, I still want you in my life, okay? There’s just so many things I want to tell you and so many things you should know but I just can’t tell you right now.”

“Why not?”

“… Because I’m scared.”

Chanhee hesitated before asking, “Of what?”

Changmin exhaled slowly. “I’m scared it’ll all disappear. That it’ll all be for nothing.” He glanced at a photo frame on his bedside table: a picture of him as a child, his father, and his mother. Quietly, he added, “I’m scared you’ll leave me alone.”

Chanhee chuckled weakly. “Changmin, you do realize that the only one leaving people right now… Is you, right?”

Bullseye.

Changmin was rendered speechless, stunned. He wanted to punch himself. _I know that, but…_

“I just can’t stand it if anyone else goes away.” Changmin said, voice shaking.

Changmin wouldn’t blame Chanhee if he hung up right then and there. He wanted to apologize, he wanted to tell Chanhee how important he was, that he didn’t deserve to have his heart broken.

All because Changmin was too stubborn and stupid to realize where his own heart was.

When Chanhee took too long to respond, Changmin sighed and moved to hang up, but then:

“Then don’t leave me first,” Chanhee replied, voice full of conviction. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Oh. Wow.

Changmin felt something warm spread in his chest.

Okay, then.

This is… Okay, right?

Changmin nodded, although Chanhee couldn’t see it. “Okay.”

“Changmin?” Chanhee asked.

“Yes?”

“Do you mean it?”

Changmin said, without missing a beat, “I mean it.”

And he really did.

“Alright, then. I’ll see you at school,” Chanhee said before the line went dead.

Changmin pulled his phone away from his ear, staring at his homescreen. His heartbeat was pounding in his ears.

_I mean it._

\--

“What’s all the ruckus?” Kevin asked, tearing his eyes away from his worksheet to look outside the library windows.

Kevin and Changmin were working on their physics assignment after securing a spot in the library, where they thought they wouldn’t be disturbed. They were wrong.

Ever since Changmin started to let himself be surrounded by more people, he managed to get along with most of students in his grade. Although he could blend well with pretty much all the friend groups, he felt most comfortable with Younghoon (of course) and Kevin, who he’d become considerably closer to.

Changmin was happy that he finally found someone he could form a strategic alliance with in physics class, where he would normally feel left out as lectures went by in a gust of wind.

That fateful day, their physics teacher had given them a worksheet to work on that was due after they were to be dismissed. Coincidentally, right outside the library, Changmin’s math classmate Hyunsoo had just publicly asked his friend Jiwon to prom. With a rose bouquet and a suit and everything. It was a sight to behold.

The crowd of students that surrounded them cheered as Jiwon accepted his promposal and wrapped her arms around Hyunsoo’s neck. Students inside the library joined in, clapping and whistling in celebration, ignoring the librarian’s hushing.

Kevin commented, “I didn’t see that coming.”

Changmin chuckled. “You’d be surprised.” He smiled, unabashedly proud that he knew Hyunsoo would ask her eventually.

Kevin turned his gaze to him, narrowing his eyes. “Hm.”

“What?” Changmin asked, smile fading.

“You should ask Chanhee to prom.”

Oh, no.

No no no.

Changmin sputtered, taken aback. “I can’t do that.”

Kevin smiled, amused at his reaction. Cautiously, he asked, “But you do like him, right?”

There’s no point denying it anymore, is there?

Changmin sighed, looking down at his paper. “Yeah.”

Kevin gasped, expecting him to deny it or change the subject. Changmin scratched his head, covering his face with his arm in embarrassment.

“All the more reason to ask him, then!” Kevin exclaimed.

Changmin groaned, giving him a blank stare. “He’s not gonna say yes.”

Kevin looked at him in disbelief. “… Are you kidding me, Changmin?”

Changmin cleared his throat, grabbing his pencil. “So are we gonna finish this worksheet or not?”

That was the subject change Kevin needed to hear for him to give up on pressing further.

\--

Like in every high school teen romance movie, Changmin looked forward to prom. Not for himself, of course, but he looked forward to seeing the couples he helped get together dance and shyly hold hands in front of the whole school.

(He tried ignoring his frenzied heartbeat whenever Chanhee was around, but other than that, it’s all good.)

Being the dateless duo they were, Changmin went with Younghoon as friends, having bought the couple ticket for a discount. Their parents thought it was adorable and decided to buy them matching black suits for the event.

Unsurprisingly, Younghoon abandoned Changmin right after they got there. They were serving pineapple pizza on the food stand.

“Kevin keeps saying it tastes good, so I gotta try it,” Younghoon insisted.

Changmin shooed him away, refusing to try the most unfitting food combo ever invented.

Alone, Changmin watched as people moved around him, indistinct chatter filling his ears. Couples holding hands, awkwardly dancing—sometimes accidentally stepping on the other’s foot, which incited a chuckle out of him—and groups of friends in a circle jumping and moving to whatever music was being played. Occasionally, a conga line was formed only to disintegrate not long after.

He saw individuals sitting on the bean bags provided against the wall, on their phones and bored. In the corner, he spotted Haknyeon having a pizza-eating competition with Eric. Odd, but Changmin didn’t judge.

Who was he to judge, anyway?

All his life, he’d been so chained to his beliefs that everyone else’s happiness was a spring toy he took amusement in pushing down a set of stairs. Looking down on them, he always thought they were foolish and stupid.

But maybe he was the foolish and stupid one.

Indecisive, moronic, or different, it doesn’t matter. As long as you’re happy, it really doesn’t.

“Changmin?”

Oh, fuck.

He turned around to see Chanhee.

Changmin’s throat went dry. _He looks good in white_ , he thought. Chanhee looked beautiful as ever, a shy smile painted on his face.

“Dance with me?” Chanhee offered, holding out his hand.

Changmin forgot how to speak. Almost in a daze, Changmin took his hand and let himself be pulled forward.

_His hands are so warm._

Chanhee’s hands were on Changmin’s shoulders, and Changmin tried to stop his own hands from shaking as he put them on Chanhee’s waist. This is okay. Don’t panic.

“The seniors outdid themselves, did they?” Chanhee observed.

“Hm?”

“The decorations and the music. It’s beautiful,” Chanhee commended, looking around.

Changmin couldn’t be bothered about the decorations when Chanhee was in front of him.

Throwing out all qualms and pride out of the window, he said, “You’re beautiful.”

They both stopped in their tracks, still holding each other. Chanhee didn’t say anything, lips parted in surprise.

Changmin took a breath. “Chanhee, I—” he started, but couldn’t finish.

“You what?” Chanhee implored, stepping forward, impossibly close.

Changmin looked at the boy in front of him, at a loss for words.

_Wow, I’m in love with you._

_I’m so in love with you it hurts._

Suddenly, fear seized Changmin as he realized that he might have been too late.

He didn’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve any of this. Chanhee’s confession back in the train station seemed so far away. Changmin had only recently realized how he felt, who was to say that Chanhee’s feelings hadn’t changed?

When Changmin didn’t continue, however, Chanhee leaned in slowly and kissed him.

Changmin felt hot, like an electric shock coursed through him. Chanhee was kissing him.

It was short. Sweet. Too short. Chanhee pulled away as quickly as he went in. Eyes fluttering open, Chanhee said, “I know I said I wouldn’t steal your first kiss, but—”

Like an idiot, a whipped, stupid teenager, Changmin cupped Chanhee’s faced and kissed him back, chasing his lips. Because that was what he was. A stupid teenager.

Changmin wanted to fill every single bit of emptiness Chanhee had, to grasp the world in his hands and present it to him with a ribbon. His mind was filled with Chanhee, Chanhee, Chanhee. Changmin wanted to love every part of him, until there was nothing left.

But it was gone in an instant.

Chanhee pulled away and Changmin gasped, unconsciously leaning in for more.

Chanhee looked down, panting. He looked so beautiful. Changmin wanted to pry him away from everyone, to kiss him until the sun rises.

Changmin saw a smile on Chanhee’s lips. A faint, small, but real smile which was enough to set his heart on fire all over again. Chanhee had so much power over Changmin, it scared him.

“I like you,” Changmin blurted out. He wasn’t thinking anymore. The only thing on his mind was the boy in front of him.

This precious, amazing boy that entered Changmin’s life and changed everything he knew.

Chanhee looked up at him, cheeks flushed and mouth agape.

“I like you,” Changmin repeated. “A lot.”

Chanhee smiled. Slowly, with uncertainty, he asked, “Do you mean that?”

“I do mean it. And I have for so long but I’ve just been too stupid to realize it. I don’t know what all of this is,” Changmin confessed. “But you came into my life and ruined everything.”

Chanhee laughed. “I don’t know if that’s supposed to be romantic.”

Changmin winced. “I’m horrible at this. The point is, up until a year ago I hated romance and laughed at everyone who believed in it,” Changmin said, averting his eyes. “But now, I’m pining over the new kid,” he finished, voice trailing off.

Chanhee raised his eyebrows, a mixture of amusement and realization.

Changmin wondered why he didn’t know how hard he’s fallen over the past two years.

“So if… If what you said you felt hasn’t changed,” Changmin said, looking straight into Chanhee’s eyes, “I’m all yours.”

Changmin felt his chest and shoulders grow lighter. He was relieved. Finally.

There. It’s all out in the open.

Chanhee exhaled, cupping Changmin’s face and squeezing his cheeks. “You’re a dumbass.”

Changmin grunted in embarrassment, silently agreeing. Clearly, he was aware of that.

“Of course it hasn’t changed,” Chanhee admitted. “You’re a pain in the ass.”

Chanhee let go of Changmin’s face, wrapping his arms around his neck instead. Changmin couldn’t be more starstruck.

“But you’re _my_ pain in the ass.”

Chanhee buried his face in Changmin’s shoulder, embracing him. Changmin held Chanhee, slowly rocking to the soft tune playing from the speakers, as if he would disappear if he loosened his grip just a little.

He didn’t want to let him go. He didn’t want him to disappear. Not again.

\--

Both Chanhee and Changmin decided that the flashing lights as a shock compared to the dark gymnasium was too much for their eyes, so they agreed to step down from the overpacked dancefloor and escape to the hallways.

“Sorry, this is amazing and all, but the lights and the music are making me dizzy,” Chanhee had remarked, looking up at Changmin with an apologetic expression.

Changmin nodded in agreement. “That’s just what I was thinking.”

Away from the indistinct chatters of students and the booming bass from the speakers, the hallways were empty save for a few students going in and out of the restrooms or on their phones with earbuds plugged in.

Chanhee took Changmin’s hand as they walked, and Changmin intertwined their fingers with a shy smile.

They didn’t say anything, only basked in the calm, comfortable silence the two shared. Changmin missed this.

He glanced at their joined hands and thought, _No, this is much better._

 After a few minutes of aimlessly walking along the lockers, Changmin broke the silence.

“I’m sorry.”

Chanhee stopped in his tracks, Changmin following suit.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Chanhee asked, “For what?”

Changmin opened his mouth and closed it again, not knowing how to start.

_So many things._

“For everything,” Changmin finally said. “For being a dick.”

Chanhee smiled and pressed his forehead against Changmin’s. “It’s okay,” he assured. “Let’s just take things slow, alright?”

Changmin nodded.

His heart felt full.

“I’m gonna go,” Chanhee said, pulling away and letting go of Changmin’s hand.

“Go where?” Changmin asked, trying not to frown at the disappearing warmth from his palm.

Chanhee giggled. “To the toilet, dummy. I’ll be right back.”

Changmin watched as Chanhee’s back disappeared behind a corner.

Looking around him, Changmin made sure that he was alone.

_Holy shit._

Changmin looked down, covering his mouth with his hand. He felt his face heat up, only just processing the past fifteen minutes.

_Chanhee wants to be with me._

His mind was overflowing and his heart was beating rapidly.

What he had just done was probably the most bold and daring thing he had ever done in his life, but Changmin didn’t mind.

He was happy.

Maybe he didn’t need to be so afraid. Maybe this whole romance thing can actually work. Maybe—

“What the fuck is your deal?”

That voice.

Changmin hadn’t heard it clearly in months.

Turning around, Changmin saw Hyunjoon, who was looking at him with eyes full of anger, frustration, and disbelief.

“Hyunjoon,” Changmin uttered, not knowing what to say.

Ever since that encounter in literature class, Changmin made sure to avoid conversation or contact with him, afraid of him. They hadn’t made any exchanges other than brief questions or directions during dance practice, and Hyunjoon refused to look him in the eye.

Changmin stared at him in defeat.

Hyunjoon shook his head, shifting his eyes to the floor. “One second, you’re skirting around each other and you look at him like the sun shines out of his ass. And on the next, you break his heart and treat him like shit.”

Oh.

“And suddenly, on prom night, you make out on the dancefloor like it’s nothing?” Hyunjoon continued, looking up at Changmin again.

Changmin shrunk, keeping his mouth shut.

“Do you know how much he loves you?” Hyunjoon spat, approaching Changmin. “Because he’d take any chance to be yours for even one second that he doesn’t care whether you mean it or not.”

Changmin took a step back, Hyunjoon getting closer and closer.

“He doesn’t mind going through hell if it means you get to hold his hand just once,” Hyunjoon continued, stopping his steps.

Changmin interjected, “Hyunjoon, wait—”

“You stay the fuck away from him,” Hyunjoon cut him off. “You don’t deserve him.”

Crash.

Changmin couldn’t help but think that he was right. Feeling his heart drop, Changmin exhaled shakily and tore his eyes away from Hyunjoon.

_I don’t deserve him._

Just then: “Hyunjoon, mind your own business,” Chanhee retorted from behind Changmin.

Changmin blinked in surprise, turning his head to look at the boy next to him.

Hyunjoon gawked at him. “Chanhee, are you stupid? You heard it from him yourself, he hates the idea of romance.”

Changmin recoiled backwards, instinctively reaching for Chanhee’s hand. Chanhee took his hand and squeezed it.

“You falling into his arms like that is what he wants, I know what he’s like,” Hyunjoon said, pointing a finger at Changmin. “He doesn’t give a shit about you.”

Bullshit.

“You don’t know anything,” Changmin snapped.

Hyunjoon stared at him in surprise.

Chanhee gave an exasperated sigh. “Just go away, Hyunjoon. You have no idea what this is.”

Hyunjoon turned to Chanhee, laughing sarcastically. “So that’s how it is?” he asked, voice shaking. “I’ve been with you ever since we were kids and you choose this asshole.”

Chanhee furrowed his eyebrows, confused. “Wait, what are you saying?”

Hyunjoon bit the inside of his cheek and shook his head, turning on his heels and walking away before Chanhee could say anything else.

\--

Changmin and Chanhee grabbed some punch from the gymnasium and mingled with a few other friends, who were overjoyed when they saw their held hands. Haknyeon and Sangyeon especially. They tried putting Hyunjoon to the backs of their minds, and eventually decided to call it a night.

Changmin walked Chanhee home, and they didn’t say anything the entire time. Changmin’s stomach churned with guilt, and he knew that Chanhee was just as worried about his childhood friend.

Changmin could have told him, but he thought Chanhee deserved to hear it from Hyunjoon himself.

“You should talk to him,” Changmin said as he dropped Chanhee on his doorstep.

“Hm?”

“Hyunjoon. I think you should ask him about earlier.”

Chanhee hung his head, hesitating before asking, “He likes me, doesn’t he?”

Changmin winced. Well, it was obvious from the start. “Yeah.”

“I’ll talk to him, I guess.”

As Changmin sat in the dining table alone, absentmindedly stirring a cup of ramen with a fork, he came to the conclusion that he had made a grave mistake.

It’s the perfect story: two childhood friends brought up together, separated in different schools and neighborhoods for half a decade, only to be reunited once more in high school. One of them starts to see the other as more than friends, only then realizing how precious and amazing he is.

But then, an antagonist enters the scene—a nobody with a stubborn attitude who managed to insert himself into the friend’s life. The protagonist does nothing but watch as the love of his life, for some unknown reason, kisses the villain.

Changmin should have matched them up together when he had the chance. Now he’d ruined everything.

The matchmaker shouldn’t have been involved in the first place.

Later that night, Chanhee called Changmin.

“I talked to Hyunjoon,” Chanhee said.

“How did it go?” Changmin asked, laying on his bed.

Chanhee chuckled from the other end. “To say that it was awkward is an understatement. I don’t know, I kind of feel stupid for not noticing it after all those years.”

A love triangle. Changmin could laugh.

“Well, some people are denser than others. You don’t need to feel so bad,” Changmin assured, making his tone as light as possible.

Chanhee laughed. Changmin smiled at the sound, although his heart ached. “Yep, I know.”

“By the way,” Changmin said gingerly, “if this whole thing feels weird now that you know about Hyunjoon, it’s alright… If you don’t want to, you know.”

“What?”

“I mean, he’s liked you for much longer,” Changmin explained, trying his best to keep his voice steady. “If you want to be with him instead, then—”

“No fucking way, why does Hyunjoon liking me change anything?” Chanhee interrupted, sounding angry.

Changmin stayed quiet.

“He said that he liked me, and I said that I care about him more than anything but I just can’t bring myself to return his feelings because—and he knows this—I’m in love with _you_.”

Oh.

Changmin felt his face getting warm.

“But,” Changmin spoke, overwhelmed. “He was right. I treated you like shit and he’s been by your side the whole time but—”

“Oh, so now you’re gonna tell me how I feel, too?” Chanhee snapped.

Changmin was speechless. _No, I didn’t mean that._

“If you don’t want to be with me because you don’t feel the same, then by all means, reject me and forget about me all over again,” Chanhee declared. “But if you’re backing away just because you feel guilty about Hyunjoon, that’s a bullshit excuse.”

Changmin’s mouth dropped open, taken aback.

Say something.

“… Why me?”

Chanhee snorted. “You really want me to lay it all out for you?”

Changmin could hear his own heartbeat pounding. It was loud. “Yes.”

“Okay then,” Chanhee said, amused. “You’re just… Strange.”

“You like me because I’m a weirdo,” Changmin deadpanned.

“Yeah. You’re a weirdo. But it’s always interesting to imagine what’s going through your head. And every time you tell me about how stupid moths are or how tomato ketchup is a smoothie, I can’t help but think… Wow. This boy is fucking weird. I don’t know if I want to kiss him or punch him in the face or both,” Chanhee explained. “And I like him. A lot.”

Changmin blinked, not sure how he should feel.

“It’s—I don’t know, when I’m with you I can just… Talk. And you listen to me,” Chanhee continued. “You don’t make me feel like I should be someone I’m not.”

 _That’s because you’re already so amazing_ , Changmin mused.

Silence.

Hm?

“… You think I’m amazing?” Chanhee asked, voice low.

Fuck.

“I said that out loud, did I?” Changmin asked.

“Uh-huh,” Chanhee confirmed. “I’m really not, though.”

What the hell.

 _What the hell is wrong with you_.

 _Screw it_.

“But you are,” Changmin argued. “And it’s so annoying. It took me so long to come to terms with it because everyone else thinks you’re this perfect new kid. Juyeon, Younghoon, and Hyunjoon—hell, everyone at school’s probably fallen in love with you.”

It was Chanhee’s turn to be rendered speechless.

“The thing is, you’re not perfect. You’re anxious and you think you’re not good enough and you’re impatient and complain about everything but God damn it, I like you too much. I like you so much it’s annoying,” Changmin went on.

“Jesus,” Chanhee muttered, chuckling. Changmin held his phone away from his ear, taking a moment to groan in embarrassment before putting it back.

Exhaling sharply, he confessed, “In conclusion, fuck it, who am I kidding, I _do_ want to be with you. There. Are you satisfied?”

For the second time that night, Changmin let his thoughts out in the open and made no effort to take them back.

Chanhee laughed softly, and Changmin knew he was covering his mouth to stifle it. “You’re such a dumbass.”

“And what about it?”

Chanhee chuckled. “I didn’t say there was anything wrong with that.”

Changmin was smiling so wide it hurt. Suddenly, everything felt okay again.

Maybe a little more than okay.

“I guess we can make this work,” Changmin spoke, voice low.

_Can we?_

Changmin breathed a silent sigh of relief when Chanhee said, “Yeah. I guess we can.”

\--

They try making it work.

And they have been making it work.

As Changmin navigates the rapids of high school, he restores his title as the school’s matchmaker. This time, he bases his pairings on information he had gotten from personally getting to know and becoming friends with students from every social circle instead of relying on his scrapped human almanac.

(And of course, with the help of his boyfriend who had also become interested in bringing people together and seeing if sparks would fly.)

Changmin knew that his matchmaking game was at its peak when Younghoon asked him, “Do you think I should ask Kevin out?”

Changmin exhaled in relief. “It’s about damn time. Go.”

Changmin had never been happier.

Just like every couple, however, it was inevitable for Changmin and Chanhee to have their share of misunderstandings. But they always find a way to compromise and further learn about each other through them.

Chanhee helped Changmin realize that you just need to fucking talk about your problems and concerns instead of bottling them up and letting a mess of negative emotions curdle over time.

Even if Changmin wasn’t the best with words, Chanhee would try his best to understand him. And Changmin would gladly let him. He didn’t know that it was possible for him to fall even further, but Chanhee kept proving him wrong.

It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but Changmin and Chanhee’s relationship slowly became known as one of the strongest among their school. Even they were surprised.

“How did you two manage to survive this long? I don’t understand,” Sunwoo had come up to them one day.

“I don’t know, we’re pretty clueless about this stuff too,” Changmin admitted truthfully.

Chanhee shrugged and said, “Just talk to each other.”

Simple as that, really.

Chanhee had helped Changmin push himself to become braver.

Which is how he finally managed to confront Hyunjoon, in their dance practice room while waiting for their other members to arrive.

“Hyunjoon, can I talk to you for a second?” Changmin asked, setting down his water bottle.

The other boy was still stretching his arms with his back turned to him. Without looking at him he said, “I know you think I’m a dumbass.”

Changmin pouted. “No, not really.”

Hyunjoon finally whirled around, grimacing. “Come on, you know how stupid it is, right? Falling in love with your childhood best friend. It’s so cliché it makes me sick.”

Changmin chuckled in an attempt to lighten the mood. “I don’t blame you for that. If I’m being honest, I’m more of a dumbass than you are.”

“Oh, definitely,” Hyunjoon agreed, nodding. “I just—more than anything, you’re still my friend.”

Changmin cracked a smile, seeing a ray of hope.

“Yeah, you won over the person I’ve been pining over for years and it’s gonna be hard to get over that, but I don’t want that to stand between us,” Hyunjoon reasoned, taking a step forward towards him.

“Neither do I,” Changmin said.

Hyunjoon lowered his head, eyes still on Changmin. “So do you still… Want to be friends with me?” he asked, voice trailing off.

“Of course I do.”

Yep, Changmin couldn’t be happier.

\--

 

[epilogue]

 

The third year of high school brought in a whirlwind of even more complicated subject topics, assignments that pile up like snow, and of course, the stress of university applications.

Changmin would let off steam by staying over Younghoon or Chanhee’s house (mostly Chanhee’s, because Changmin didn’t want to be a thirdwheel whenever Kevin came over).

These sessions would either be serious, where they would actually work on assignments or catch up on textbooks to try and comprehend school materials, or lethargic and relaxed where time felt like jelly. Changmin would crawl into Chanhee’s arms and they would stay curled up and unmoving, too tired to think about anything.

A few weeks into the school year, Changmin was in his room with Chanhee when he spotted the latter writing in a notebook on his desk.

“Babe, what are you writing?” Changmin asked.

Chanhee paused from scribbling with a pencil and looked up. “Hm? Oh, this is just a notebook I found,” he answered.

Changmin took a closer look at the notebook and exclaimed in surprise. He snatched it out of Chanhee’s hands in embarrassment.

It was his human almanac.

“How did you find this!?” Changmin asked incredulously. He had forgotten all about it.

“I saw it sticking out of your trashcan the other day. You don’t clean out your room very often, you know,” Chanhee pointed out.

Changmin huffed in embarrassment and held the notebook away from Chanhee defensively.

Chanhee laughed. “Sorry, I won’t steal it anymore. That takes a lot of dedication, by the way. How many years is it worth?” he asked.

“… Seven. I threw it away last year because I didn’t want to continue doing this for the rest of my life,” Changmin explained, voice quiet.

Chanhee hummed in understanding. “Your page for me was a fun read.”

“Oh my God,” Changmin groaned.

“You wrote ‘weird idk’ and ‘scary’. I understand the weird, but am I really that scary?”

Changmin tilted his head, sighing. “It took me a while, okay,” he admitted.

Chanhee rested his chin on his palm. “What took a while?”

Changmin averted his eyes in embarrassment. “Realizing that I wanted to be with you.”

Chanhee gaped at him. Changmin scratched his head, face heating up from his own straightforward one-liner. Although they had been dating for a while, Changmin still had difficulties expressing his feelings verbally and felt embarrassed doing so when he did.

It wasn’t always necessary, after all—Chanhee never doubted Changmin’s affections for him, and he understood that his boyfriend was more of an “actions speak louder than words” person.

Smiling, Chanhee stood up from Changmin’s desk chair to kiss him sweetly. “It did take you a while.”

Changmin pouted, pecking him on the lips once more. “By the way, what were you writing?”

“I was completing your profile,” Chanhee said, sitting back down.

“What the—wait, let me see it.”

 

Name: Ji Changmin

Birthday: 5 Nov

Personality traits: ~~an asshole~~ , a dumbass sometimes

Type:

Ideal date: horror movies  h a h a

Crushes: Chanhee (gr 10-11)

Relationships: Chanhee (gr 11-?)

Additional notes: the cutest bf, good kisser, that giraffe neck tho (jk ily)

 

\--

High school is what many would consider a nightmare. But it’s also what few would consider a game.

Changmin was an ordinary high schooler. He’s had average scores, a large pool of acquaintances with a few select individuals he considers close friends, and is just as curious about romance as everyone else is his age.

He had always wondered what made romance so fascinating. He never understood why it was a worldwide consensus that an ideal relationship was the endgoal for a happy life, and took pride in resenting it.

Changmin was the school’s matchmaker who found enjoyment and amusement in setting individuals up together, while at the same time hating the unrealistic, rose-colored world that romance had to offer.

But now that he had Chanhee by his side, maybe Changmin didn’t hate romance so much anymore.

\--

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> this was an adventure wow it feels like i just watched my child graduate :0 i'll probably be making a short, drabble-ish sequel to this, so look out for that if u enjoyed this onee
> 
> sorry if there are any mistakes/mischaracterizations, i'll try my best to improve :)
> 
> hmu @sintwix on twitter~


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